On Mindfulness

  • Practice of meditation is changing my outlook on life and reality. The reality is something out there; it resists my plans, my expectations and intentions. I collide with it and am full of bruises. I always wanted to be safe and I was taught to believe that if I control the reality I will be safe. It proved to be misconception because I can't control everything and everybody. My intelligent, thinking mind is trying to be ahead of everything; it already made a note of all possible situations and behaviors and it is telling me what is going to happen and how I should act. The only problem is that quite often it doesn't work like that and disappointment caused by it feels like physical pain. Meditation helped me to discover that it isn't so important, so life-saving to know, to be in charge and in control. I am gaining a new attitude, an attitude of not-knowing, of being surprised and curious about things that are around the corner even if I walked that corner hundred times. If I pay attention to what is here and now I don't need to be a step ahead of the reality. I can concentrate on the experience of presence and not on my imaginary ideas about what awaits me there. I can accept not-knowing and I don't need to be afraid of it. I can allow myself to relax (a bit anyway) and watch what is actually happening, and behave accordingly. It doesn't mean that I will stop planning, it only means that if situation is not unfolding exactly as planned I can easily adjust, because I am not stack in my expectations and assumptions. MEDITATION has taught me that  and I recognize a value of it.