Costa Women Blogs

I’ve been working with the brilliant Lynne Franks at Bloom Retreats here in Deia, Mallorca since last October and am still amazed how beautiful this part of the world is. In September we are offering retreats on Detox & Wellness (16-20), Fitness (22-27) with Sarah Maxwell (who has trained celebrities and sports teams in her down to earth, irreverent way) and Creative Writing & Nature Walks  (29-Oct.4) with Elaine Kingett.  If you feel like a last minute get away being nurtured, getting healthy or being creative take advantage of our Costa Women discount. 20% off all September retreats. For more information on our Bloom retreats visit: www.bloomretreats.com or email me at monika@bloomretreats.com

I began to write THE ONLY BLUE DOOR about two years ago, after reading an article in a magazine about children who were sent to Australia by the British government as child migrants.  Many of these children were told that their parents were dead and were either placed with foster families or put into orphanages.  It wasn’t revealed until 1986, when a Nottingham social worker called Margaret Humphreys was investigating the case of one of these children, then a grown woman, that many of the children were not orphans, they had families alive and well in England.   She set about tracing more families and eventually revealed the truth of what had taken place.  (You can read her story in her book Empty Cradles.) I felt inspired by what she had done to write a novel based on the events of that time.   The protagonists are three young children who, through a series of events, are wrongly labelled as orphans and sent to Australia.  The novel follows their stories, their heartbreak and separation, their resilience and above all their belief that one day they will find their mother and return home.  After over a year of sending my manuscript out to every publisher and agent imaginable, I have at last decided to self-publish this latest novel.  It wasn’t that it was badly received by them, in fact there was quite a lot of interest in the book but, in the end, no-one wanted to take a chance on it .  One publisher was convinced it would make an excellent Young Adult book and persuaded me to make some substantial changes to suit a younger readership.  In the end her colleagues considered that, even after my adjustments, it was  still too adult for their readers so I had to revert to the original format.  I did more editing and more changes until at last I had it as I wanted. I have done a lot of research into the topic of child migrants, something that still pops up in the news from time to time, and have tried to be faithful to the facts even though this is a work of fiction.  Looking back, from the perspective of life today, it is hard to believe that children were taken from their homes and families and sent half-way across the world.  To us it seems callous and unfeeling but I do not doubt that many people involved truly believed that they were doing the best for the children at the time.  There was also a political agenda then, in that Australia was desperate for immigrants and welcomed these children with open arms and not too much soul-searching. Despite the serious theme of the book, I have endeavoured to make it an enjoyable story about three children who face a new life with resilience and courage.  My biggest problem with the novel was how to give it a positive/happy ending while still staying true to the story.  You will have to read it yourself to judge whether I have managed to achieve this. It is available in a variety of ebook formats through Smashwords and Kindle and is due to be printed in paperback within a week or so. http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=the+only+blue+door

The new school term is shortly approaching and it is important to think about your child’s vision as well as all the text books and uniforms. Studies show that one in four children have an undetected visual problem which can affect their learning ability, reinforcing the importance for parents to take their children for an eye test.   All Opticians recommend a yearly eye test for children from three years old, yet a survey by Specsavers Opticas revealed that in Fuengirola only 42% of respondents with children between 6 and 12 years old had taken their children to have an eye test with an optician. This fact is even more surprising as 92% of the respondents felt that poor eye sight could affect their children’s performance at school.   On the Costa Blanca the statistics were even worse,  in Torrevieja only 39% of all the respondents had taken their children to have an eye test with an optician. Worryingly, in Javea just 17% of children aged 6 – 12 years old have ever done so. This fact is even more surprising as 65% of the respondents there felt that poor eye sight could affect their children’s performance at school.   Parents in Calpe performed better, with 67% of all respondents having taken their children to an optician for an eye test.  Although this is still not as high as opticians would like, Calpe parents are leading the way compared to other towns surveyed.      Experts believe that many learning disabilities could be vision related and learning relies heavily on good vision, so it’s crucial that a child’s eyesight is regularly checked and glasses are worn if they need them.   Specsavers Opticas currently has eight stores on the Costa Blanca, Costa del Sol and in Mallorca, which are offering free eye tests for children and 2for1 kids’ glasses from 50€ including sunglasses. To find your nearest store and book a test visit www.specsavers.es

What a fabulous country we live in. This summer I’ve lucky enough to have been paid to explore from Almeria to Cadiz and I’ve seen some fabulous towns and villages, but the one that stands out most is Setenil de los Bodegas.  On a trip to Ronda with hubby we set out to explore some white villages ( a term that really annoys me as they are all white|!) This is the quirkiest of the lot. Read more about Setenil de los Bodegas on my blog http://andaluciaexplorer.blogspot.com.es/2013/08/between-rock-and-road-setenil-de-los.html Have you been to any special spots lately? Rachel

I am a long term expat with two international moves under my belt. Three if you count the move from England to Wales. Both my children are “Third Culture Kids”  (TCK) having been born outside their passport country.  So I know first hand that a successful international experience can be an enriching one, personally and professionally, for both the expat and his/her family. Increasingly there is a great deal of corporate support during the outward process to guarantee a seamless transition into an expat assignment.   But I know from any number of stories heard socially and professionally, that repatriation is quite often not supported as seriously as the outbound transfer and even neglected totally by many companies. This is both financially and also in terms of transition supervision.   Why? In theory, the expat is going back to a situation with which he/she is familiar and it is often incorrectly assumed that this process will be problem free.  But re-entry to a country of origin can actually be more stressful than the outward transition, with the stressors intensifying according to the length of the international assignment.  Long term expats with multiple moves under their belt, with portable careers and skill sets, report additional difficulties.   8 causes of re-entry shock Expats talk of “re-entry shock” and feelings of reverse homesickness are very common. Re-assimilation can take anything from six months to five years depending on the length of the overseas assignment and the degree of local integration experienced  in their expat lives.   The are 8 expectations to manage:  The home environment will be the same – the expat has usually lived a life changing experience. There is a tendency to assume that practices in the workplace of origin will be unchanged and professional relationships can be picked up where they left off. This is almost always not the case. These too will have evolved, particularly any nuances in the balance of power and influence which may have developed and changed during the period away from base. It is very common for the expat to feel excluded or passed by, especially if the re-entry is to a central headquarters. Many expats make a decision to return to HQ for career development reasons because they perceive being away from headquarters reduces their visibility quite literally. When they get back they are considered to be out of touch. New skills will be appreciated and maximised: Feelings of frustration are commonplace if accompanied by few or no opportunities to maximize any new skills or experience. If the expat experience does not seem to be valued, disappointment will be intensified. Unmet expectations can even lead to depression and the employee leaving the company.  Family and friends will be interested – the expat has usually had an exciting time, using professional opportunities to enhance their personal experiences via travel and other activities. Returning expats report that old friends show very little interest in their overseas lives to the point where they cease to talk about it. In some instances it is perceived as bragging. The returnee will feel at home  – many cultural changes will have taken place in the culture of origin during the international assignment which the expat will not have been part. The expat can feel like a “foreigner” in his or her own country and customs and practices that were once completely normal to them now seem alien. The expat location was their home.  Career Transition Coaching is not needed – to support this stage of career development is invaluable to engage all stakeholders to achieve successful re-integration and to maximize the return on what has been a significant corporate investment. The reality is that repatriation process should be positioned as part of an ongoing longer term career strategy to maintain motivation.  Family and Partners will be fine  – this is part of the thinking process that needs to be re-examined by many companies as the professional and personal continuum is blurred during the return to the country of origin. The expat not only has to manage his/her professional re-entry, but will be impacted by negative experiences to which the family is exposed. So if the trailing spouse and any children are struggling, especially those born outside their passport countries (TCK),  then the expat will be under even greater pressure professionally. Loss of expat perks – depending on the seniority of the assignment expats miss very often the financial perks of an international mission which could include company car, petrol allowance, school fees, flights home etc. On the return these benefits tend to cease.  In some regions (APAC, Eastern Europe) domestic support is provided and/or is very affordable. Expats will not miss their friends and overseas lives – international communities tend to be very open and welcoming, as well as offering a variety of cultural experiences, shopping, travel and  food items and so on.  Adjustments will need to be made  contributing to the feeling of homesickness.   So, for many the challenges of  “coming home”  can be just as significant  as  the transition of “going overseas.” What would you add?

Autumn Cleanse: 1. How to eliminate toxic emotions with Mindfulness   When talking about detoxing, we generally think of the physical body: focusing on eating the right food as well as reducing the impact on us of the toxicity of our environment. But, when it comes to our wellbeing, negative emotions can be just as toxic, if not more so. When we don’t resolve and heal our negative emotions they can lead to dis-ease.  Today even the most conservative of doctors understands the impact that negative emotions, and stress in particular, can have on our health.   One of the main problems of holding onto negative emotions from the past is that they shape our current behaviour. While it’s important to learn from those past experiences, once any lessons have been taken on board, there is no longer any need to hold onto them.   So what’s the best way to eliminate those toxic emotions?   In NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), the simpler – ie the less steps it has – and the more effective a technique, the more ‘elegant’ it is considered. As a pragmatist who loves efficiency, I’m always looking for the most elegant of techniques!     In my experience, I’ve found that, for me a combined approach has worked best. That way I get the best of both worlds: harnessing the power of the conscious and the unconscious mind using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques or Tapping) and meditation.   I’ve been meditating for more than 25 years and from the very first day I noticed how it changed my life. When I meditated the day just flowed, everything seemed easier, my mood lighter. In fact it was so noticeable that I didn’t let anything interfere with my practice, which as a single parent was a tall order. But if I woke up late I was prepared to forgo everything rather than miss my practice: my shower, washing my hair, even breakfast (unthinkable or so I had thought) – my meditation practice made that much of a difference to my day!   With meditation it’s your unconscious mind that selects what you work on, sometimes you become aware of what that is but more often than not, you are just aware of the benefits as each day unfolds with more ease and grace. You can of course choose to set an intention for your meditation, but generally I prefer to allow my inner wisdom to be my guide.   It was on my first intensive ten day Mindfulness retreat back in 2003 that I became aware of just how radically meditation can detox your emotions. Much to my surprise and horror I noticed that I felt really very angry during some of my meditations. All the more surprising because I had never considered myself to be a particularly angry person (injustice or being told what to do were about the only things that could get me angry and very few people dared tell me what to do!) It was not until some months after the retreat that it dawned on me that since the retreat I had never really got angry. Even on the rare occasion when I found myself saying ‘I’m angry’ when I looked inside there was no emotion behind the words – what a result!   Why is meditation so effective at helping us detox our emotions? According to the findings of NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), we can only sustain a negative emotion for just over a couple of minutes. To continue experiencing that emotion we have to feed it with negative thoughts. And this is where our meditation practice holds us in good stead as it trains us to allow thoughts to pass through our mind without focusing on them. As a result, after a couple of minutes of experiencing the emotion it just dissipates.   I particularly liked the metaphor used by Bhante Bodhidhamma, a monk on one of my later retreats. He said it was as if we had sacks filled with emotions inside us and each time we got angry for example, our anger sack got bigger; the bigger our anger sack then the quicker we were to anger. But that with meditation, when we were able to focus on the emotion as it arose but without feeding it with negative thoughts, the sack would start to shrink and as a result we became less quick to anger!   Practising Mindfulness Begin by following your breath. Just sit comfortably with your spine straight but relaxed, eyes gently closed and become aware of your breathing. Notice how your body rises and falls with each breath. Keep your attention fixed on this movement. You may notice it in your chest or your stomach. Do not try to slow it down or change it in any way, just observe it without judgment. (Imagine you are a scientist watching an experiment – no expectations!)   Thoughts will come and go, just imagine they are like the clouds on the sky of your mind. There is no need to try to clear your mind of thoughts. The mind’s job is to think. Instead, choose to focus on the movement of your body with each breath. When you find your attention has wandered off on a thought (as it will, frequently!) gently but firmly bring your focus back again to the breath. (As you do, you can smile to yourself to reduce any irritation or frustration at not ‘doing it right’.)   It is really that simple, enjoy!   Even just five minutes of watching your breath is beneficial.   When you make Mindfulness a daily practice you will be amazed at the difference in your life as you start to notice that the stresses of daily life just don’t seem to affect you in the same way 🙂   If you want to learn more about Mindfulness join me and my partner David for our Autumn Cleanse http://costawomen.ning.com/events/autumn-cleanse-detox-your-mind-body-and-spirit.   Autumn Cleanse: a holistic detox for the mind, body and spirit. Enjoy a weekend of pure bliss in magical Tarifa with EFT, Mindfulness, energy exercises and simple healthy food and juices that will leave you feeling amazing! Just 150 euros for two complete days with full board accommodation and all activities when you book before 20 September. Only 8 places available for the retreat.   For more information and a full daily schedule http://www.getenergised.com/Autumn-Cleanse.html   In my next blog I’ll be looking at how to eliminate toxic emotions with EFT.