Have you ever felt like you’re walking around with a knife in your back?
Have you seen it happen to others?
Was the pain so intense that you were paralyzed or disarmed to do anything about it, and therefore, you didn’t?
Or did Anger get the best of you?
This is a subject-matter that most people rather have a root canal over it, than try to speak of it. It’s much easier to ignore it than bring it to the surface, and yet, most leaders know that the biggest failure is in ignoring failure itself. It happens more often than it should. So how do you handle it, how do you move through it, and definitely, how do you move forward? And the big “F” word comes up, time and time again, and by that I mean, “Forgiveness.” Mind blowing, isn’t it?
Here’s the deal. Betrayal hurts like nothing else. It hurts even more if it has never happened to you before, and out of the clear blue sky, WHAM, it happens. You have no clue what’s going on at first, and once you do, you are so dumbfounded; you can’t even react let alone take action towards something that is so debilitating in nature! Basically, you are in the dark…worse yet, you are crying alone.
What if it happens twice, or three times, or even more? Do you hold yourself accountable or…is that the breaking point when you become very religious, even if you weren’t before. You’ll find yourself calling on God and all its angels to come get you out of this mess, and if it is too late (yes, there are times when it is) you ask for them to give you an attitude adjustment so that you can be made whole again. And then, that’s when your Dream Team comes to your rescue, which by the way, more times than not, it was developed by divine intervention; you just don’t know it yet.
Yes things can get very messy, and so it’s the feeling or the fact of failure! And No one should go through this alone! Use your Dream Team! They come in a variety of flavors, and you need to break it down as to issues: Personal and Professional. At this point you could turn to a Confidant, a Coach, a Mentor, Financial Advisor, your C.P.A., your management team, and even your spiritual guides: Physical, Psychological, Celestial or otherwise. Whatever works for you…USE IT! Above all, ask for help. Do NOT go at it alone. There is no shame in falling, and there is a lot of pride in getting up. Always remember that!
Of course, all of the people above-mentioned, in the bigger scheme of things, can very effectively serve a dual purpose in helping you solve personal issues, and face head-on, professional road blocks and how to remove them, transform them, or all together disintegrate them.
What does it take to fight back lies, trust issues, and betrayal?
¨ Know what you’re made of.
¨ Be sure you have a back bone.
¨ Be resilient.
¨ Know that this is NOT your fault.
¨ Fight back when it is appropriate to do so. Not every situation or circumstance calls for a war.
¨ Be mindful of your own limitations.
¨ Be also mindful of your own power. This may be trickier than you think.
¨ Be mindful of: Is it worth it?
¨ Your energy and well being is of the utmost consideration above all else.
Betrayal has neither gender bias nor geographical, and spiritual boundaries therefore, you could opt for:
¨ Getting even.
¨ Full-fleshed revenge.
¨ Get angry and keep it bottled-up.
¨ Find dialogue with the person who injured you.
¨ If at work, talk openly with your boss. This arena is super-sensitive, but so is “HOME!” - They must be in harmony. Don’t trade time for money.
¨ Always have your well being, and that of your family, up-front and center.
¨ ACT IN INTEGRITY!!!
¨ Forgive YOURSELF! (I will talk about this in my next newsletter as it is very sensitive subject, and most people don’t know the “how” nor the “what”, sometimes not even the “who” – Just when you think you know who it is, it really isn’t! – Stay tuned.
Your most relevant solution to betrayal is your own personal and professional INTEGRITY! Living IN it, is crucial. Having your personal and professional values very clear, they are paramount.
¨ Identify your resources. Who’s really good for you?
¨ Write down your value-list. It doesn’t matter if it turns out to be identical to last year, or the last time you wrote one. It is of the utmost importance that it gets written down. Do NOT keep it in your head. Whatever you do, enjoy the experience of “la plume.”
¨ The Power of Tribes: Do the Right Thing and others will follow.
¨ Lead with your Passion and by example!
¨ Know that betrayal is not an easy thing to deal with, especially, when it was totally unexpected.
¨ Surround yourself with the right people to help you forgive them and more importantly, to help you forgive yourself.
¨ Cultivate past and present relationships. They are the gold in your rolodex.
¨ Connect at least twice a week with colleagues that can help you move on; even if you are left with a lot of tears. Remember, crying is healing.
¨ It’s okay to have a Pitty-Party; but don’t stay there too long. Not beneficial to your physical and mental health.
¨ Honor your mistakes and own them. Do NOT finger-point.
¨ Be gentle with yourself.
¨ Honor the pain that has been inflicted upon you, and immediately, move towards your own INTEGRITY,
¨ DOING THE RIGHT THING, will keep you living in integrity and get past the trust issues, and above all, to the point where you can trust again, no matter who it happens to be.
¨ Connect at least twice a week with those that can help you grow your internal compass.
¨ Cultivating past and present relationships is extremely important. Have a “stay-in-touch” system with those who matter in your life, so that you not only live IN integrity, but you are accountable for your own personal and professional development.
¨ Last but not least….YOU ARE NOT ALONE. This happens to the smartest and most brilliant people. Again, it is NOT your fault. Learn your lesson, and move on.