I've always known magic. As a child it was an absolute certainty that connected me to everything around me. I remember playing with that. And I remember that feeling of permanent Christmas Eve, knowing that something was about to come alive, at any time. And I remember the incredible shock of coming "back to reality", again and again, as I had to face a world that I didn't understand and where all I heard was how I should change my ways -in one way or another. Reality, as they call it, has always been a huge challenge for me and I had to be trained for it. So much so that I lost myself and that sense of me. It's taken me a lot of pain and effort to find myself again. But to my surprise I found more than that: I found a deep understanding of my experience and now everything makes sense.
It was as I watched the world that I knew being torn apart that I started to have spontaneous out-of-body experiences (OBEs). My deepest longing then was to connect with people, as I emerged from a life dedicated to work and a broken marriage. It was to my dismay that I was propelled into worlds that would isolate me from everything that I so wanted to be part of.
The process would take me into the abyss of self-exploration and self-transformation -a world so dark and mad that it seemed impossible to survive at some point. But as many have told before me, people and signs show up along the way, to help you make sense of what looks like the ultimate hell. That is: if you have the stamina. As it turned out I did survive a terrifying dark night of the soul and it was then that I really began -only began- to get a sense of the Big Picture that we are part of. That was the second phase of my process.
I thought it was my ticket back home and that I would finally be allowed to become part of this world, even though I had no idea how to do this -what with all the weird stuff that was now part of my life. I couldn't share it with anyone, really. But to make things more difficult, I was required to isolate further in order to enter a new phase of intense exploration: this time I was to not even receive any form of guidance from the outside. I had to be totally on my own and I had to stay away from any influence to maintain a beginner's mind.
That was the third phase. Surely that one was preparing me for re-entry in the world! And I thought I was ready too -but it was more wishful thinking than anything else. By then the exhaustion and emotional loss was also taking a toll on my body, as much as it was bequeathing me with wisdom and knowledge. As I began to get a better grasp of the extraordinary system of guidance available to me, I was shown further levels of exploration. That was the fourth phase that I did not see coming and had not really heard of -not in those terms. And it is by far the most extraordinary level: one that gives me a true understanding of our role in this world, the fundamental nature of our journey, of our reality AND how to engage it. This is not about pretty stories, this is experiencing the Truth in everything, all the time.
Some recurr to drugs to have a glimpse of the invisible that so many of us now have a sense of. I didn't have to. Instead I had to take the long road, the one that takes you through all the twists and turns and then some, so that I could gain the experience that no book or any shortcut could ever give me. It takes losing a lot and being very afraid, to get to know what we call God. It takes stamina to endure the journey. And most of all it takes courage to face all the ugliness of the self before we are allowed to see beyond the mask. And it takes accepting to be humiliated many, many times.
Thoughts, emotions, dreams, dreams within dreams, OBEs, day-dreaming, deep desires, yearnings, fantasies, ideas, concepts, physical objects and beings -all started to show me their aliveness and connectedness, their validity AND how they create their own worlds. It was in absolute awe that I watched as the pieces of a grandiose puzzle were being put together before me, as I became assisted by All That Is. And so it was, that from a reality that made no sense and where I felt lost, I was suddenly aware of a reality that made total sense, to which I felt deeply connected and that supported me to fulfill my potential. It is all about understanding the perfection of the divine pull, to truly draw from the power of what we are and fulfill the longings of who we are as souls. And it is extraordinary.
The persistent sense of awe for the experience of life is what I am most grateful for. The persisting solitude and exhaustion are what I find most difficult to deal with, especially in times of frustration because I so want to connect to others and it still is a struggle. Both are permanent sources of inspiration and learning opportunities though. The biggest issue that I face is the re-entry into the normal world. That is not possible really, at this point. I will never live in that world again. This means possibly more isolation as I am now living an experience that nobody that I know can possibly understand. The insanity, the intensity of it all -I know that I am to face all sorts of windmills.
What I'm compelled to do now is to tell of the existence of those invisible worlds that are always there to support us. And I don't mean that in terms of pretty stories which is how people usually get their spiritual fix. Because, just as you can't be a little pregnant, this adventure requires full immersion and full commitment in order to truly experience it. It's not necessarily for everybody.
However this is the time for many. And many are about to wake up -for real. And this will cause some ripples at first and it's ok. But it is my understanding that these are times where it will cost us greatly to not heed the Truth in our hearts. Because we know. We know deep inside that we are here for more than this scripted life most of us are trapped in.
We know. And this feeling of being in a cage comes from the sense that there are worlds out there for us: worlds that we don't know how to reach. In our physical world, we translate this intuition into all sorts of shapes and forms that we discard as distraction or entertainment. OBEs have shown me what is out there and what it's for -and now it all makes sense to me. And indeed we are here not only to be better, but to become more -so much more.
The invisible worlds can give us great impulse to expand and this is an incredible time. And these are worlds that you will be amazed by, if you allow yourself to be pulled -if you allow yourself to play.
Don't you wanna play?
:) Marina CB - always be brave, be free
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