How imposter syndrome changed my life

In February 2020 I stepped onboard aboard a yacht in France for my 10 weeks contract, little did I know that I was going to be there until September 2020.

The world as we knew it before had stopped and my job onboard of flying the crew to and from their destinations became impossible. I couldn’t complete the job that I had been hired to do.

This led me to imposter syndrome, I felt like a “fake”, I asked myself over and over “Why are you here? You shouldn’t be in this position, you can’t even complete the simplest task.“

Imposter Syndrome: psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalised fear of being exposed as a fraud.

Imposter Syndrome

There are 3 personality types of imposter syndrome. “The Pleaser”, “The Pusher” and “The Perfectionist”.

The pleasers

are normally really nice people who give generously and unconditionally but if we throw fear into the mix then this is “The Pleaser” who cannot say no to people for fear of being unliked.

The pushers

wait until they have been set a task and they make sure that the task is completed, even if this means missing basic tasks such as toilet breaks, meal times and even sleep. As stopping for a break, is a rule breaker to this personality type.

The perfectionist

has very high standards for themselves and also expects that from others. This personality types feeds on positive feedback from others and anything negative is felt as a personal attack. Once a negative comment is given they generalise this across everything that they do, and not just for that specific task.

All these personality types together create “The Superwoman/Superman”.

They operate from a position of “fear” and needs to constantly prove herself as they need to live up-to the expectations of others or what others think about them.

From September 2020 to February 2021, I had been given 5 months to rest but the “imposter syndrome personalities” would not allow for me to do that.

Every Monday I listened to a podcast about all the different flight restrictions around the world to keep up to date with all the changes for my 18 different nationalities onboard. I didn’t want to return onboard in 5 months time and not remember how to be a “Purser” anymore.

Every country had different rules and regulations about quarantine, vaccinations, PCR test times for arrival, etc.

I read every email I received, every news channel I could. My brain/mind had become like a mirror that was covered in dust and I couldn’t receive anymore information inside.

I returned onboard in February 2021, greeted by a crew that gave only negative comments expressing their time onboard. Within a couple of days it already became too much to handle, “the superwoman” in me wanted to protect them.

How could I control the uncontrollable?

Well I was certainly trying.

Until it started to seriously become detrimental to my health. I was not sleeping, eating and I was losing my memory. I was on the sheer peak of a mental breakdown and I could not afford, as a Purser, to make a mistake that could potentially have a crew member detained if the paperwork was incorrect whilst flying amongst many other important tasks.

Eventually, I took the courageous decision to resign from my position of 3.5 years and return home.

This was June 2021, at the age of 34, I was frightened of the world, scared to leave my own front door and unable to process anything in my mind.

I wanted to reclaim my confidence, self-belief and live my life abundantly and this is how my coaching journey began.

Where am I now?

It’s been a transitional process and sometimes hard to admit that some of my storm had been created in my mind, despite the external circumstances of disempowering leadership and the pandemic.

The brain is an amazing tool, designed to protect us from danger but equally doesn’t know the difference between a fictional story and the truth.

Fear is also created within our mind for protection.

Hello my name is Samantha,

When I was younger, I believed that if I achieved well at school, work or even in competitions I would be loved.

My biggest disappointment was that people did not treat me as I did others. I had high expectations of myself, which meant I expected also from others.

From aged 21, I travelled the world at sea working on both cruise ships and yachts. Excelling to the Purser position but still I felt inadequate compared to others. Running around at 100 mph and constantly pushing myself to prove my worth.

I became overwhelmed, my confidence shattered, unbeknown that it was my repeating patterns at the cause of it, I blamed external circumstances for my shortfalls.

In October 2021, I enrolled onto a Life Coaching with NLP course and I have recently qualified my NLP practitioner certification too.

Previously I had psychotherapy sessions that helped me a lot, but coaching took it to the next level for me. It’s opened up my blind spots, and allowed me to work on healing on all levels.

Having been given a whole new set of skills and resources that I didn’t know existed inside of me.

Practising my skills on some wonderful coaches over a period of 9 months, I am now a Level 5 Qualified Life Coach with NLP Practitioner tools to support you on your journey.

I absolutely love coaching, to be able to be part of someone’s personal development and to see the smile on their face when they realise everything is already inside of them to regain their confidence, self-belief and live life more abundantly.

As a life path number 9 “The Humanitarian”, helping others change their lives is at the very core of what I love, my work makes an impact to others every single day and this is priceless

Contact me to book your sessions.