Introduction
Moving abroad is an adventure filled with excitement, new experiences, and plenty of challenges. But one thing many of us don’t fully anticipate is how much our relationships will change—both with friends and family back home. At first, we try to keep in touch as much as possible, texting updates, scheduling video calls, and promising that distance won’t change anything. But over time, things start to shift. Life moves on, for us and for them.
We feel guilty for missing birthdays, family gatherings, or just casual moments that used to be part of everyday life. We countdown the days until we visit, only to find that sometimes, those reunions feel… different. And then there’s the strange mix of emotions—missing home while loving our new life, feeling out of place in both worlds, and wondering if some friendships were only meant for a certain chapter of our lives.
Today I want to share with you my thoughts regarding relationships after moving abroad—how they evolve, the emotional highs and lows, and how we can navigate the changes without guilt.
The Initial Phase: Overcompensating for Distance
At first, we go all in. We send voice notes, share photos, and schedule long video calls, determined to keep every friendship and family bond intact. Not content with just staying in touch, we cling to the relationships we left behind, terrified that distance might erase them.
We comment on every post, react to every story, and jump into group chats like we never left. Social media makes it easy—until it doesn’t. Because one day, we see them at a birthday dinner we couldn’t attend. A conversation moves on without us. Someone makes a joke, and we don’t get it. Suddenly, we realize we’re on the outside looking in.
Meanwhile, our new life is unfolding fast. We’re navigating a new city, picking up bits of a new language, and forming connections with people who actually understand what it’s like to start over. At first, we share everything with friends and family back home. But slowly, the conversations change.
They want to hear about our adventure—but only up to a point. We sense their excitement fading when we talk about new friends. Some are supportive, others seem distant, and a few expect us to stay exactly the same.
And so, the shift begins. The daily calls become weekly. The texts take longer to answer. Some friendships stretch and adjust, proving they can survive the distance. Others quietly fade. Not because anyone stops caring, but because relationships after moving abroad are never quite the same.
This phase is bittersweet. We love the freedom of our new life, but we miss the easy, everyday closeness we once had. And underneath it all is the nagging question: Are we drifting apart, or are we just growing in different directions?
The Shift: Drifting Apart and Guilt in Relationships After Moving Abroad
At some point, the guilt creeps in. You miss a birthday. You forget to reply to a message for a week. Your mom drops the dreaded, “We never hear from you anymore,” and just like that, you feel like the worst person alive. Relationships after moving abroad come with an emotional price tag, and guilt is often the hidden cost.
It’s not that you don’t care. You do! But life is happening—appointments, paperwork, trying to figure out why the bank needs three copies of the same document (seriously, why?). Days turn into weeks, and before you know it, that “I’ll call tomorrow” turns into “Oops, has it really been a month?”
And then there’s the weird feeling of missing out on two sides at once. Back home, they’re living their lives without you. Inside jokes are born, relationships change, and no matter how many FaceTime calls you squeeze in, you’re not there. But when you do visit, things don’t always feel the same. You sit at the dinner table, nodding along to stories about people you don’t know, places you haven’t been, and memes you somehow missed. It’s like stepping into a movie halfway through—you recognize the actors, but the plot has moved on without you.
Cue the guilt again. Should you have tried harder? Called more? Cared more? The reality is, relationships after moving abroad are bound to shift. Some friendships will adapt, finding a new rhythm across time zones. Others will naturally fade, not because anyone is a bad friend, but because life moves forward.
The trick is realizing that guilt won’t change reality. Instead of beating yourself up, focus on making the moments count. Maybe you can’t be there for every casual coffee hangout, but you can send a thoughtful message, a voice note, or plan visits that actually matter. Because in the end, it’s not about constant contact—it’s about meaningful connection.
The Visits Home: Excitement vs. Reality
Nothing beats the excitement of finally seeing your people again. The countdown starts weeks in advance. Flights are booked, plans are made, and you picture that airport hug—the kind that squeezes the breath out of you and makes all the months apart disappear.
And at first, it’s exactly like that. The first night is all laughter, deep conversations, and “Tell me everything!” energy. You soak in the familiar smells, the inside jokes, the comfort of people who’ve known you forever. This is what you missed. This is home.
…Until it isn’t.
Because somewhere around day three, something shifts. You’ve gone through all the big updates. You’ve retold your “mad landlord” and “Spanish bureaucracy nightmare” stories at least twice. And suddenly, you’re just… there. Sitting on the couch, watching TV, realizing you don’t quite fit into their daily routine anymore.
They have work. They have plans that don’t involve you. You go to dinner, and everyone talks about local drama you no longer follow. You find yourself nodding along, pretending to care about who’s dating who, but really, you’re wondering why this feels… off.
No one did anything wrong, but relationships after moving abroad change in ways you can’t predict. The people you left behind haven’t paused their lives while you were gone. And you? You’ve changed too. The version of you that left is not the same person sitting at that dinner table now.
And then, there’s the boredom no one talks about. Let’s be honest—sometimes, going home isn’t as exciting as you imagined. You love your people, but after the initial catch-up, you realize you’ve built a life elsewhere. The things that once felt familiar now feel small, even a little dull. You crave the energy of your new home, the independence, the you that you’ve become since moving away. And then comes the guilt. Shouldn’t you feel happier here? Shouldn’t this feel like home?
But here’s the thing: It’s okay for home to change. It doesn’t mean you love your people any less. It just means you’re growing.
The trick is to adjust your expectations. Instead of expecting every visit to feel like a life-changing reunion, accept it for what it is: a chance to reconnect, catch up, and enjoy the people who matter—without the pressure of making it perfect. And if things feel different? That’s fine too. Some relationships will evolve, some will stay the same, and others will fade. That’s just part of moving abroad.
So hug them tight. Enjoy the moments that matter. And when you start feeling restless, take it as a sign that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
The Unspoken Truth: Some Friendships Fade
After the initial whirlwind of visits, guilt, and awkward reunions, you begin to find your rhythm. It’s not perfect, but it’s your new normal. Relationships after moving abroad don’t magically go back to what they were—they evolve and shift with the changes in your life. And once you accept this, the pressure of trying to make everything the same starts to ease.
At this stage, you realize that you can’t always be everything to everyone. Sure, you still care deeply for the people back home, but life moves on for them as it does for you. The constant juggling act between trying to maintain old relationships while building new ones can feel exhausting, but you start to understand that it’s okay not to be the perfect friend, sibling, or daughter. Your relationships are no longer defined by how often you call, but by the moments you create when you do.
The guilt doesn’t vanish, though. You still feel it when you miss a family member’s birthday or forget to reply to a message. But now you recognize that the people you care about back home are living their lives, and they understand that you have your own, too. Instead of constantly apologizing for not being there, you focus on making the time you do spend together count—quality, not quantity.
As you get more comfortable in your new home, you start to build stronger relationships with the people around you. Relationships after moving abroad don’t just mean maintaining ties to your old life; they also mean fostering new ones. The friendships you create abroad become just as important. You start to see that these new relationships are not a replacement for the ones at home, but a vital part of your journey.
This is where the magic happens: the balance. You’ve figured out how to stay connected with the people you love, while also fully engaging with your new surroundings. Instead of feeling guilty for missing out on things back home, you begin to embrace and enjoy the experiences you’re having. Being physically far doesn’t mean being emotionally distant. It’s about finding ways to make both your old and new relationships work for you.
And let’s be real—sometimes you’ll feel more at home with your foreign friends than your childhood friends. That’s okay. You’ve shared a big, life-changing experience of moving abroad, and that bond is solid. You’ll talk about what life used to be like, but you’ll also compare notes on the quirky things about living in a new country.
But even though you’ve learned to balance, that longing for home will never completely disappear. It’s not about being stuck in the past—it’s about recognizing that life is a blend of both worlds. Relationships after moving abroad aren’t always simple, but they are real, and you’re learning to navigate them with time.
Instead of stressing about keeping everything perfect, you accept that your relationships will continue to evolve and grow. You’re not the same person you were when you left, and neither are your connections. But that’s part of the beauty—seeing how you both change, while still holding onto the parts of the past that matter most.
Moving Forward: Accepting the New Normal
When you first move abroad, everything feels like a whirlwind—new adventures, new faces, new challenges. But over time, you start to realize that things aren’t going to go back to the way they were. And that’s when it hits: you’ve got to accept the new normal. Relationships after moving abroad aren’t the same, and that’s okay.
It can be tough to come to terms with. You’ll still think about the “old days” back home and all the things you used to do. But with each passing day, you get more used to how life works now, even if it doesn’t feel exactly like it used to. It’s like learning to dance to a different rhythm. At first, you trip over your feet, but eventually, you get the hang of it.
Here’s the thing: you don’t have to forget home to make room for your new life. Relationships after moving abroad may change, but they don’t have to fade. It’s all about finding a balance. You’ll still catch up with friends and family, but it’s okay if the conversations aren’t as frequent. Life moves fast on both sides, and you can’t be everywhere at once.
One of the hardest parts is letting go of the guilt that comes with the distance. You’ll feel bad for missing birthdays, holidays, or those casual coffee dates with friends. But over time, you’ll realize that being present when you are with them—whether in person or through a heartfelt message—is more meaningful than trying to be everywhere at once. The relationship doesn’t have to be daily to be strong.
As you settle into your new routine, you’ll also realize something pretty amazing: you can hold on to the best parts of both worlds. You can cherish your old friendships while also making room for new connections. The trick is finding peace with the ebb and flow of life and letting go of the guilt that often comes with it.
Instead of stressing about how things used to be, focus on what’s right in front of you. Your relationships are still evolving, and that’s part of the journey. You’re moving forward, accepting that relationships after moving abroad are different, but no less meaningful. The love and connection are still there, just in a new way. Embrace it, and keep growing with it.
Conclusion: A Love Letter to Both Worlds
When you move abroad, it’s like your heart gets stretched in two directions. On one side, there’s home—your family, your friends, your comfort zone. On the other, there’s your new life—the excitement, the adventures, the opportunity to grow. And as time passes, you come to realize something important: relationships after moving abroad don’t need to be all or nothing. They can be both.
Sure, there are challenges. You’ll miss out on moments, feel a little guilty, or struggle with the distance. But these experiences also help shape who you are in ways that staying in one place never could. You learn to balance old relationships with new ones, to love both sides of the world you now belong to.
So, this is your love letter to both worlds. To the home you’ll always carry with you, and to the new life you’re building abroad. You can have both—just not always at the same time. You’ll find your own rhythm, and it’ll be beautiful.
Because in the end, relationships after moving abroad are never really gone. They’ve just evolved. And as you continue to grow, you’ll find that both worlds can coexist, each adding something unique to who you are today.
Embrace the changes, celebrate the connections, and know that wherever you are, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.