Costa Women Blogs

Have you had crazy, destructive behavior in the past when you were trying to be productive and successful?? Me too! I was interviewed by Hazel Everad, a Career Coach in Valencia and we talked about experiences and how we learned to have a better life balance.  I think you will resonate with some of what I share. 🙂 Overachieving for approval Being compulsively busy as a coping mechanism  Anxiety – the good, bad and ugly Outsourcing your self worth Cultivating self love. How to control your thoughts. The physical importance of a good work/life balance

When you choose to have a cosmetic procedure it is easy to forget that before you reach the beautiful “after” picture you have to undergo surgery. And all surgery, regardless of its aim, causes trauma and swelling and discomfort. Which doesn’t really fit into that beautiful “after” picture does it? Less swelling, less pain, faster recovery Post op recovery is not a fun process, but there is a way to speed up your recovery, reduce the swelling and discomfort and get you to your “after” picture that much faster – lymphatic drainage therapy. In fact studies have shown that you can reduce pain and swelling by up to 50% and speed up recovery dramatically by incorporating lymphatic massage into your recovery program – reducing recovery from 9 months to just 3 weeks! What is the lymphatic system? Your lymphatic system is your body’s clean up crew. It takes all the “bad” and toxic buildup out of your body. But, unlike your blood system, your lymphatic system doesn’t have a “heart” to make it move. So it can get blocked or stuck. Surgery, naturally, cuts through lymphatic vessels and can disrupt the flow of lymph through the body. Swelling also slows the removal of waste products. Treating the lymphatic system helps remove the swelling and bruising much faster. But will it hurt? Although the word “drainage” conjures up some awful images, this is actually a really gentle therapy. Key areas of the lymphatic system lie in very small vessels just below the skin, so very small, gentle movements are used. So there is no pain, even on tender and bruised tissue. As your lymphatic system is also your body’s detoxification system it will also help with your recovery from the medications and stress of the surgical procedure. The work on the skin also reduces scarring and improves skin tone and appearance, helping with that healthy glow all good “after” photos need! When can I start? There are different methods of lymphatic therapy – some manual and some using machines. Broadly speaking manual therapy can be started almost immediately after surgery – once your wound is closed. But therapies using machines (particularly those using compression forces or similar) shouldn’t be used until later, perhaps 6-12 weeks. Some therapies, particularly electro lymphatic, can still have a dramatic effect on scar reduction even years after surgery. Not sure what’s best for you? our Patient Care Coordinator can talk you through the options available both at the clinic and locally to make sure you get the best support possible. If you’d like to book an appointment please contact us directly over email, WhatsApp or in person as required.

The biggest bird I ever met was a condor, it flew past me at only a few meters, And I’m not kidding. I’ll tell you all about it later on. Next to the condor, the largest birds I know are griffon vultures. And since the day we moved to Cádiz, I’m crazy about these mighty creatures that you can meet daily in this beautiful part of Spain. During my walks over here in the most southern part of Spain, I almost always meet vultures. Especially walk 3, 5, and 8, near Tarifa, and walk 10 & 11 in Grazalema in my walking guide are perfect walks for spotting vultures!. (read more about the walking guide) As you might know, I have rather bad eyesight but I can spot these huge scavengers from afar when I hang out laundry on our rooftop terrace. I can almost touch them when they sail past, sometimes dozens at a time, leaving me staring open-mouthed at them disappearing. Instant happiness! I needed to know more about these creatures. So we spent a day with Javi Elorriaga from Birding the Strait, local guides here from Tarifa. (The first two beautiful images are also theirs!) Javier is a Basque who has been living for years in Cádiz and knows everything about the amazing and unique birdlife of this region. He took us to a few observation spots in the “Estrecho”, the Strait of Gibraltar. Where Europe and Africa almost touch, with only 14 kilometers between the two continents. This is where vultures gather, where the distance across the water is the shortest. Sometimes as many as a thousand vultures circle overhead, waiting for the right thermal wind to cross the Strait of Gibraltar. The busiest birdmigration area of Europe – 36 different birds of prey species! –Not only the vultures but also up to 36 different species of birds of prey migrate here to and back from Africa. Javi told us this is one of the busiest migration areas in Europe, where they counted 20,000 honey buzzards, 9,000 black kites, 5,000 snake eagles, 3,500 pygmy eagles, and 200 vultures in one day! The Griffon Vulture in CádizInteresting facts: The griffon vulture can grow up to 1 meter from head to tail. It has a wingspan of up to 2.8 meters. This bird can weigh up to 11 kilos and is one of the largest flying birds in the world. (Next to the condor and the great albatross) Griffon vultures are monogamous and live in groups. They lay 1 egg per year and the chick stays in the nest for half a year. Many vultures migrate to Africa in the autumn, because in wintertime, more carrion can be found south of the Sahara desert. Personally, I think they are rather shady types, with their long, bald necks and small heads with piercing eyes. The long, bald neck is useful for rooting deep into a carcass without getting caught on their feathers.But then again, I must admit it’s polite of them to only eat animals that are already dead. (My dog Tommie doesn’t buy that last fact at all though and gets extremely nervous when they fly over at low altitude) Vulture migration from Europe to AfricaVultures migrate to sub-Saharan Africa from the end of September to December – because there is more food there, more carcasses of dead animals. Not all vultures make the crossing. Some stay here. And they don’t leave until they are two years old. In the autumn they gather in the very tip of Andalusia, where the crossing is the shortest. Sometimes they are waiting here for days for the right thermal winds, before daring the trip to Africa. They fly in daily from far, sometimes from Ronda or even further north. They can travel hundreds of kilometers per day at a speed of up to 70 kilometers per hour. And when, around noon, the earth is heated up enough for the air to rise up, and with favorable winds, they venture across the water from Tarifa to the other side. Up to 1,000 griffon vultures can gather and circle high above in the sky here, waiting for the perfect moment to cross. An amazing spectacle! Bird migration at Tarifa where you might see six vulture species!The most common species in this southern area are the griffon vultures, but you can also encounter two African species: the Rüppell’s vulture (Gyps rueppellii) and the White-backed vulture (Gyps Africanus), rare visitors from the western Sahel. Another exciting visitor is the Bearded vulture,(Gypaetus barbatus), who used to live in the mountain ranges of South Europe, and is now almost extinct. (Javi can show you a nest of a Bearded vulture pair near Tarifa that was occupied until about 150 years ago). A re-introduction program in the Sierra de Cazorla and Sierra de Castril has succeeded in increasing their numbers. Two other rare species that can be seen are the mighty Cinereous vulture (Aegypius monachus) and Egyptian vulture (Neophron percnopterus). Walking in Cádiz with vultures overhead In Cádiz, there are a number of vulture colonies where you can see vultures all year round. Like at Bolonia, but also in the Alcornocales. The Garganta Verde gorge in the Grazalema Natural Park is the home to the largest vulture colony in Andalusia, about 290 pairs live here. I dare say that you would be able to encounter vultures during each walk in the ‘Walking in Cádiz’ ebook, except maybe during the Citywalk in Cádiz… Buy the ebook here!Ah yes! That condor! I bet you would like to know where I saw that condor! Well, this is about 23 years ago. I was the Torres del Paine National Park in Chile. I took a break in a sheltered spot in the sun. Next to me was a deep ravine. And there I sat, blissfully enjoying the sun on my face, my cigarette, the peacefulness of the place. And then I hear a strange noise on the side of me, a kind of “swoosh, swoosh …” I look sideways. A condor sailed by! No kidding! Not even 10 meters from where I sat. A sound like a sailing boat. What an abnormally big creature! There he went, leaving me in a supreme state of happiness and excitement. To this day I tell the story to anyone who wants to hear it….

Latest news from the British Embassy for UK Nationals in the run up to the end of the transition period as at October 2020   Residency information: –          We know that there are still many rumours around that green residency certificates must be exchanged for the TIE by 31 December. Please be assured that this is not the case. While the Spanish Government has highlighted that there may be some advantages to having the TIE – it is more durable, contains biometric data and may speed up administrative processes and border crossing – they make it clear that the green certificate remains valid evidence of your residency status and rights under the Withdrawal Agreement, even after the end of the Transition Period. See their Q&A document for more detail.   –          You may be aware that some UK Nationals have been issued with TIEs with incorrect wording. We continue to work with the Spanish authorities on this issue. The Spanish have emphasised that these cards remain valid documents, however, we appreciate the desire of UK nationals to obtain a card with the correct wording and are awaiting further information from the Spanish authorities on the process for doing this. –          We know that it is still difficult to get residency appointments in many areas. Please encourage anyone who is struggling to obtain an appointment to make sure they have all the documentation necessary for their application and to prove that they are legally living in Spain by the end of this year. –          We have published a series of videos on residency on our Brits in Spain Facebook channel: an FAQ video, a video specifically for first time applicants and a third on exchanging the green certificate for a TIE. In addition, we have updated our page on gov.uk on registering as a resident in Spain. –          If people are particularly struggling with the residency process as first-time applications, please do signpost them to the organisations that have received funding from the UK Nationals Support Fund to assist them. The level of support may vary depending on where in Spain you are, but their helplines are open to people from across the country. You can find their details here.   Driving licences –          As you know one of the key actions for UK Nationals living in Spain is to exchange their UK driving licence for a Spanish one. However, recently it has been extremely difficult to get an appointment. We have a key update from the DGT: –          The DGT is aware that UK and other licence holders are facing problems in obtaining an appointment. They will soon introduce a new process to streamline the current exchange process until the end of the year. UK licence holders will be asked to complete a form with the details the DGT needs in order to verify the driving licence with the UK authorities. This form must be submitted to the DGT by 25 December at the very latest. Once a person has presented their form, they will need to obtain an appointment with DGT to finalise the exchange process. However, as long as the form was submitted by the date above, and the licence verified by the DGT before the end of the year, the appointment to complete the process can be after 1 January 2021. We will share information on the new process as soon as we have it. –          So, whilst further details are needed about the system and when it will come into effect, this should be welcome news to people who may be struggling to get through the exchange process. In addition, the UK continues to negotiate the rules on the recognition and exchange of UK driving licences from 1 January 2021 onwards with member states, so do encourage people to sign up to email alerts on gov.uk/livinginspain, so that they are kept informed of the latest information.   UK bank accounts –         We are aware that some UK nationals who hold UK-based bank accounts, but are resident in the EU, have received letters from their UK bank, informing them that these accounts are to be closed. –      Most people living in Europe shouldn’t see any change to their banking at the end of the transition period (31 December 2020). Whether UK banks can service EEA-based customers is a matter of local law and regulation. Also banks are set up differently and may have taken different actions to continue to serve their customers.  Your bank or finance provider should contact you if they need to make any changes to your product or the way they provide it. If you have any concerns about whether you might be affected, contact your provider or seek independent financial advice. –      Meanwhile, please be assured that your UK state pension can be paid into your Spanish bank account. This link from gov.uk may be useful.   Passports From 1 January, passport validity rules are changing for travel to European countries. You’ll need to have at least 6 months left on an adult or child passport to travel to most countries in Europe (not including Ireland).If you renewed your passport early last time, any extra months added to the normal 10-year validity will not count towards meeting this requirement, so we encourage everyone to doublecheck their passport validity online now at: gov.uk/checkpassport     Healthcare –          We held a Facebook Live Q&A session with colleagues from DHSC on Tuesday. You may want to point people who have health-related questions to the video, which is now available to watch.   –          The team has also created a useful infographic (attached), which explains the different ways people can access healthcare in Spain. Please do share this with anyone who may need clarification on the system here, as well as signposting our healthcare page on gov.uk.   Q&A sessions –          We have a number of Q&A sessions coming up on our Facebook page. The current schedule is: 27 Oct: Travel and swallows 10 November: Education 1 December: Residency 10 December: General Q&A Please do signpost people who have questions to these sessions, but be aware that the schedule is subject to change, so do keep an eye on the page for the latest dates.

FIRST, Let me say that I am not an expert, licensed or a professional Marriage Counselor. What I post is what I and my partner Suzanne Meehle, LLC learned from our previous marriages. As friends we often talked about life and what we’ve learned, then we turned on a recorder when we talked. This blog is a result of those recordings.   TAKE YOUR POWER BACK!  I read a post on Facebook the other day and before I could get a chance to answer, it was blocked from responding. I wanted very badly to help this person so this idea came about. I won’t say if it was a man or woman who posted but I may put the pronoun “she” in this post because I will be answering it from my own experience. The Facebook post was about their partner constantly insulting them, berating them and consistently making them feel hurt and less than. It had been happening for a long time and they were tired of it but at a loss as to what to do short of divorcing them. First, let’s play a game. You are sitting around a large table with 5 people sitting at the table with you. In front of everyone is an empty glass and in the center of the table are a myriad of bottles and mixers. It’s a very thirsty group. You have an empty glass as well but at arms distance in front of you is a block of ice, and an ice pick. You reach out and grab the pick and jab it into the ice block. As the pick hits the ice, a piece of the block falls off. As you reach for it, the person to your left picks it up first and puts it in their glass. As you turn to face them, they shrug and begin mixing a drink. Once again, you jab the ice block and the second person to your left and raises up to grab the next piece. When you stare at them and say “hey”, they don’t even look at you. A bit disgusted at their assumption that the piece was theirs, you look around the table but everyone is examining the liquor and ignoring you. The next jab into the ice fits your growing mood. As that piece of ice falls away from the block, the person at the far end of the table jumps up and runs to your seat and grabs the ice just before you. Laughing, they run back to their seat, giggling as everyone laughs and clinks glasses. Now your anger is beginning to show. Standing up, you glare at everyone but again, they ignore you. The seated person on your far right reaches to grab the pick but you’re so surprised, you pull away and the pick finds a new place to stick. They quickly grab the ice chip, placing it in their glass. You grip the pick tightly and watch them sit down while everyone applauds their quickness. The person sitting on your right turns to you grabs the last piece of ice and says, “You just haven’t been quick enough”, and laughs! Your anger is palpable and as much as you try to fight it, a tear falls down your cheek. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU HAVE GIVEN AWAY ALL YOUR PIECES! As in my first marriage, I gave all my pieces away. I sat with the ice in front of me and let everyone around me take away the pieces, but specifically my partner. Notice I said “I let” or “I allowed”? What happened to me was TOTALLY AND UNEQUIVICABLY MY FAULT! OMG, it’s my fault? What the hell do you mean “it’s my fault?” Here goes, and don’t panic, it is fixable (with a lot of pain and confusion on your partner’s part because for the last umpteen years, (you’ve been putting up with this kind of treatment), giving them your pieces. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression: “You teach people how to treat you!” Well, if, the very first time someone took your ice, and you didn’t express a dislike that they did it, you gave them permission to take it. If the first time someone called you a name or told you that you were stupid or dumb or unable to understand and you let them walk away without calling them on it, you gave them permission to say those things to you again, and again, and again. If the first time someone questioned your intelligence or described what you do or did as wrong or not good enough, you gave them permission to treat you that way, now, the next time and for the rest of your life. Because you didn’t say something to the first person who took your ice, “you don’t get to take the ice I chipped off the cube, I chipped it, not you!” You taught everyone at the table that it was okay to take what was yours. It was all your fault! Now, there are several ways you could have handled the ice issue. You could have told everyone at the table that you had the ice pick and would be chipping off a piece for yourself. You could have stopped at the first person and instead of letting them get away with taking the ice you had chipped away for you; you could have told the group that it was to take their turn chipping their own ice. You could have offered to chip the ice off for them all and when the next chip was for them. You could have told the group that you didn’t like anyone touching your ice so you would take the first shot, then it was up to them on how they got their own ice. The most important thing you should do the first time someone does something to you or says something to you that you don’t like or is hurtful, is to speak up. It is your right to speak up, it is within your power.  It is important to speak up and tell someone that you don’t like what they did or said. You can get angry all you want but until you actually tell them that you are unhappy with their actions, they will continue to do those things without any consequences. I know you’ve heard this before: “You are the power; You have the power! Take it all back!” That’s what they mean. You have the power to voice your concerns and dislikes. Every time you let someone do or say something painful to you and don’t say anything, you have given away a piece of you. And that person will keep “chipping away” at your power. Open your mouth and voice your choices to accept or not accept an action. Only you can stop the chipping or loss by taking it all back because they certainly aren’t going to give it back. Would you give away the power that was given to you freely? When you do this, you will be in for a fight! The person or persons that you gave the ice to will fight your taking it back because they’ve had it all this time and why are you suddenly telling them that they can no longer take, do or say what they want? This war is yours and yours alone to fight and there will be days when you just want to give in and let them take it all away. And that will leave you with a shell. But, if you are tired of being the whipping post, the one who always loses or gets hurt. If you have reached the end of the rope, fight back by taking back your power. Meet the wall that will be thrown up around you and chip away at it, little by little, piece of ice by piece of ice. Create a glass big enough to hold all the ice you gave away and are collecting. Make the glass transparent so that people around you can see you gathering and will tread softly because you are not letting anyone take pieces of you away again. I had the fight of my life, gathering me back. I spent many painful days and months being brave and demanding the return of my pieces. At first, there was a great pushback, arguments and fights that brought me to tears and often put me in a fetal position but I prevailed. I kept on fighting until I had gathered “me” back and let everyone know that I was back and they could not longer take pieces, nor would I give away any more pieces. Let me tell you about that moment when I knew I was free. In the middle of my divorce, I went to see a psychologist, recommended by our former marriage counselor. I went to her for 6 weeks. I know, you probably think that 6 weeks is way too short but this was a very wise psychologist. The 4th week in, she recommended a book for me to read, “The Dance of Anger” by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. This book opened my eyes and my head. It is now an old-fashioned book, some 40 years later, but still holds the best information on how to take back your power. I have recommended it to quite a few women and those who have read it, feel as I do. Anyway, in the midst of my soon to be ex haranguing me constantly about how I didn’t deserve anything because he brought in all the money and I was a poor mother and wife and probably having an affair, otherwise why would I leave him, (I was not having an affair by the way), and he couldn’t afford to give me any money anyway. I went to see this Psychologist. I truly enjoyed our sessions, tough though they were, and when she gave me the book, I took it home to my little apartment and read it as soon as I could. Once I began the book, to be honest, at first it was a little slow but I kept on reading because there was something I was supposed to get. And get it I did. I cried, I laughed, I shouted and scared the crap out of my daughter who was living with me. Mostly, I learned! And I learned and I took it all in. 6 weeks into therapy, my Psychologist asked me if I had read the book and if so, what did I get out of it? I talked for the whole hour and went over by a half (she didn’t charge me extra) until she finally held up her hand and began laughing. “I’ve never had anyone learn so much in such a short period of time, she said, tell me how you will use what you’ve learned?” It was her fault I went 2 hours. At the end of 2 hours, she shoo’ed me out of the office and told me to not come back! “You have obviously learned what you were supposed to learn Toni, you truly get it. I don’t think you need to come and see me anymore. Get out of here and practice what you’ve learned!” And I did! Want to know how? I called my ex, this was before texting or cell phones, and made arrangements to meet him at a local bar. Someplace public and where we could talk. I went to this bar at the appointed date and time and when I walked in, my ex was already there with a beer in front of him. I walked up to him, said hi and sat at the bar stool next to him. Smiling, I said hi and ordered a glass of wine. In all the times before, he was able to goad me, to break me, to make me so angry that I would explode and lose control. Thank you God and my doctor for “The Dance of Anger”. I turned to talk to him and he smiled at me. “You realize that our arguments aren’t helping us any, all the money is going to our lawyers. Let’s see if we can work this out together. (BE AWARE, BE VERY AWARE when they are suddenly nice). I wasn’t totally fooled. “What did you have in mind for division of property?” As he extolled all the virtues of him keeping as much money as possible and that he should keep the house and since I was working I didn’t need any kind of support, and my job should pay for the child I who was living with me, (now I was making enough money) I felt my anger grow and I’m sure he saw that and was delighted. But; he hadn’t read the book. When he finally finished, he grinned at me as if to say, “eat that you bitch”, I smiled back. “I wish I could agree with you but I have spent almost 20 years and 3 kids with you, you are also responsible for paying the bills and I will need help. Child support, the car, etc; etc. I told him how I felt calmly and without rancor. It was my turn to watch his face turn red with anger. He started to explode but I held up my hand and said calmly, “I am not going to talk to you if you get angry, I will walk away and we can let the lawyers work this out!” For the first time in any argument with that man, he exploded first but I remained relaxed and calm. As he began calling me vile names, and the other bar attendants began looking on, I took the last sip of wine, picked up my purse and stepped down off the stool. “You will have to tell all that to your lawyer. I’m leaving now so any hashing out will have to go thru our lawyers. And, because you got mad and called me names, I will make sure that you pay for both lawyers. Have a great day!” And walked out, calm, collected and at peace. The only thing I did when the door closed behind me was shout “YES!” and fling my fist into the air. The same thing I did when the judge declared the divorce final! The light that shines out of you, the lightness you feel, the freedom and strength came back stronger and surer than before. I had found all the pieces and I was whole! by Toni Zufelt In the many years since I’ve been a complete person, I’ve never wavered by giving away any part of me. I’ve never lost faith that I was enough or that I was a valuable and worthwhile person, friend, lover. Since then, I met, fell in love with and married a man that after almost 30 years together I still look on as the Yin to my Yang. He is the first face I want to see in the morning and love going to sleep holding his hand. I am truly happy and truly whole. I’ve never had to give away any part of me to him or anyone else unless it was my choice. And if I give a piece away, I always know where it is and where to go to get it back. And this man never demands any part of me except my heart, but that I give away willingly!

OESTROGEN DOMINANCE Many women ask themselves how does Oestrogen Dominance affect women? We are told that we lose Oestrogen when we arrive a the menopause stage of our life, but in fact, we are not taught that Progesterone drops at an even faster rate then Oestrogen. What is the answer? Well, this depends on how you feel, do you feel unbalanced? you may not feel unbalanced but you may have other underlying symptoms that you cannot see. Read more about this symptom……….   VITAMIN D  Vitamin D is known for its versatility, working throughout the body. It is an excellent supplement to combat viral infections and boost the immune system. Read more about this from our resident Health Specialist Dr Jose Mercola. Vitamin D for good health protection   Aly Farmer hello@mividanatura.com www.mividanatura.com Natural Hormone Balance Therapy