The Difficult Task of Forgiving

How can I forgive?
Especially how can I forgive, if what you did to me was so awful? I mean, anyone whom I tell it to, says I am right and that you were simply awful to me. So how can I forgive you? What you did was really dreadful. I suffered so much.

If I forgave you, what would I do with all of that suffering? Just throw it in the trash? Poof … so simple … all gone? I can’t do that. You hurt me too much. I have to remember it because it was so bad, and if I forgive you it will all be gone.

What are you saying? That I should look at what was done to me as more than just the idea that you hurt me. That I should look at it like it was part of my life growth plan. That every person with whom I come in contact in my life can serve a purpose in my life. No matter what kind of interaction I have with them.

So even if they do something major big-time terrible to me, it can still serve a purpose in my life. So that I can grow into more of what I really am, by dealing with this situation in a way that allows growth, and not in a way that poisons me and keeps me in a prison of hatred or resentment or pain.

But for that to work, I have to look at the painful situation with new eyes. Not so much you hurt me, as how can I grow and learn from this.

How can I begin to look through such new eyes? How can I stop seeing the pain as something I need to hang on to, because it defines who I am up to here in my life?

Simple: choose to do so. Nothing else is needed.

For much more about the need to learn how to forgive in order to have a successful relationship, and how forgiving not only enables the relationship to grow towards spiritual partnership  but also enables the one who is forgiving grow towards inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership which is now available in paperback version. The Kindle version will be released near the end of November 2012.

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 

Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another’s Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true “tao” of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come.” 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author 

“Eloquently and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.” 
Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born 

The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth.” 
William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body 

Also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be ‘no’, because to answer a truthful ‘yes’ is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.