When Will You Decide to Forgive?

“Never!”, say some. “I can’t”, say others. “How can I?” says another group. “What was done to me was just too terrible to be forgiven”, say most.

Let’s examine that last statement. Without a doubt whatever it was that was done to you was bad. We can’t change that. Child abuse, child neglect, abandonment, betrayal, domestic violence, false promises – the list goes on and on, and all of us have a story to tell. But if you agree that what happened in the past cannot be changed, you’re on the right track.

But now you say: “It can’t be changed, but it was so terrible, that I will never – in my whole life – be able to forgive the person that did that to me.” Now with this statement you are indicating that you’re looking at the whole business of forgiving from a mistaken place. You are looking at it as though forgiving is for the other person. If you forgive that person, he/she will feel better.

That is simply wrong. Not the bit about that person feeling better – they might, or they might not, but the issue here is YOU. You’re the one who needs to feel better because of what was done to you. The other person has to take care of their own matters. You’re not responsible for making them feel better, but you are responsible for making yourself feel better.

And that is where forgiving comes into the picture. You see, forgiving is for you. If you forgive someone who has done something to you, something that hurt you, you are the one who will reap the benefit. The energy  that connects you to the bad thing, action, event, will have been switched off in the process of forgiving. So when thoughts about the event come up again, your inner state of being will no longer react in fury, pain, or despair, but will – in time – become totally neutral about it. Admittedly, this is not an immediate process. Forgiving is something that takes place over time, and not from one moment to the next, but forgiving has to do with your intention to forgive, and then, each time thoughts about what was done to you arise, you once again affirm to yourself that your intention is to forgive … in order to become free, and because you love yourself enough to do this.

For much more about forgiving, relationships, and choosing to make decisons based on conscious awareness in order to enhance not only your daily life but also your inner well-being, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as a paperback or e-book for Kindle and all Kindle applications.

Click here to download the first chapter.

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A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe

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