Costa Women Blogs

I am a long term expat with two international moves under my belt. Three if you count the move from England to Wales. Both my children are “Third Culture Kids”  (TCK) having been born outside their passport country.  So I know first hand that a successful international experience can be an enriching one, personally and professionally, for both the expat and his/her family. Increasingly there is a great deal of corporate support during the outward process to guarantee a seamless transition into an expat assignment.   But I know from any number of stories heard socially and professionally, that repatriation is quite often not supported as seriously as the outbound transfer and even neglected totally by many companies. This is both financially and also in terms of transition supervision.   Why? In theory, the expat is going back to a situation with which he/she is familiar and it is often incorrectly assumed that this process will be problem free.  But re-entry to a country of origin can actually be more stressful than the outward transition, with the stressors intensifying according to the length of the international assignment.  Long term expats with multiple moves under their belt, with portable careers and skill sets, report additional difficulties.   8 causes of re-entry shock Expats talk of “re-entry shock” and feelings of reverse homesickness are very common. Re-assimilation can take anything from six months to five years depending on the length of the overseas assignment and the degree of local integration experienced  in their expat lives.   The are 8 expectations to manage:  The home environment will be the same – the expat has usually lived a life changing experience. There is a tendency to assume that practices in the workplace of origin will be unchanged and professional relationships can be picked up where they left off. This is almost always not the case. These too will have evolved, particularly any nuances in the balance of power and influence which may have developed and changed during the period away from base. It is very common for the expat to feel excluded or passed by, especially if the re-entry is to a central headquarters. Many expats make a decision to return to HQ for career development reasons because they perceive being away from headquarters reduces their visibility quite literally. When they get back they are considered to be out of touch. New skills will be appreciated and maximised: Feelings of frustration are commonplace if accompanied by few or no opportunities to maximize any new skills or experience. If the expat experience does not seem to be valued, disappointment will be intensified. Unmet expectations can even lead to depression and the employee leaving the company.  Family and friends will be interested – the expat has usually had an exciting time, using professional opportunities to enhance their personal experiences via travel and other activities. Returning expats report that old friends show very little interest in their overseas lives to the point where they cease to talk about it. In some instances it is perceived as bragging. The returnee will feel at home  – many cultural changes will have taken place in the culture of origin during the international assignment which the expat will not have been part. The expat can feel like a “foreigner” in his or her own country and customs and practices that were once completely normal to them now seem alien. The expat location was their home.  Career Transition Coaching is not needed – to support this stage of career development is invaluable to engage all stakeholders to achieve successful re-integration and to maximize the return on what has been a significant corporate investment. The reality is that repatriation process should be positioned as part of an ongoing longer term career strategy to maintain motivation.  Family and Partners will be fine  – this is part of the thinking process that needs to be re-examined by many companies as the professional and personal continuum is blurred during the return to the country of origin. The expat not only has to manage his/her professional re-entry, but will be impacted by negative experiences to which the family is exposed. So if the trailing spouse and any children are struggling, especially those born outside their passport countries (TCK),  then the expat will be under even greater pressure professionally. Loss of expat perks – depending on the seniority of the assignment expats miss very often the financial perks of an international mission which could include company car, petrol allowance, school fees, flights home etc. On the return these benefits tend to cease.  In some regions (APAC, Eastern Europe) domestic support is provided and/or is very affordable. Expats will not miss their friends and overseas lives – international communities tend to be very open and welcoming, as well as offering a variety of cultural experiences, shopping, travel and  food items and so on.  Adjustments will need to be made  contributing to the feeling of homesickness.   So, for many the challenges of  “coming home”  can be just as significant  as  the transition of “going overseas.” What would you add?

Autumn Cleanse: 1. How to eliminate toxic emotions with Mindfulness   When talking about detoxing, we generally think of the physical body: focusing on eating the right food as well as reducing the impact on us of the toxicity of our environment. But, when it comes to our wellbeing, negative emotions can be just as toxic, if not more so. When we don’t resolve and heal our negative emotions they can lead to dis-ease.  Today even the most conservative of doctors understands the impact that negative emotions, and stress in particular, can have on our health.   One of the main problems of holding onto negative emotions from the past is that they shape our current behaviour. While it’s important to learn from those past experiences, once any lessons have been taken on board, there is no longer any need to hold onto them.   So what’s the best way to eliminate those toxic emotions?   In NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), the simpler – ie the less steps it has – and the more effective a technique, the more ‘elegant’ it is considered. As a pragmatist who loves efficiency, I’m always looking for the most elegant of techniques!     In my experience, I’ve found that, for me a combined approach has worked best. That way I get the best of both worlds: harnessing the power of the conscious and the unconscious mind using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques or Tapping) and meditation.   I’ve been meditating for more than 25 years and from the very first day I noticed how it changed my life. When I meditated the day just flowed, everything seemed easier, my mood lighter. In fact it was so noticeable that I didn’t let anything interfere with my practice, which as a single parent was a tall order. But if I woke up late I was prepared to forgo everything rather than miss my practice: my shower, washing my hair, even breakfast (unthinkable or so I had thought) – my meditation practice made that much of a difference to my day!   With meditation it’s your unconscious mind that selects what you work on, sometimes you become aware of what that is but more often than not, you are just aware of the benefits as each day unfolds with more ease and grace. You can of course choose to set an intention for your meditation, but generally I prefer to allow my inner wisdom to be my guide.   It was on my first intensive ten day Mindfulness retreat back in 2003 that I became aware of just how radically meditation can detox your emotions. Much to my surprise and horror I noticed that I felt really very angry during some of my meditations. All the more surprising because I had never considered myself to be a particularly angry person (injustice or being told what to do were about the only things that could get me angry and very few people dared tell me what to do!) It was not until some months after the retreat that it dawned on me that since the retreat I had never really got angry. Even on the rare occasion when I found myself saying ‘I’m angry’ when I looked inside there was no emotion behind the words – what a result!   Why is meditation so effective at helping us detox our emotions? According to the findings of NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), we can only sustain a negative emotion for just over a couple of minutes. To continue experiencing that emotion we have to feed it with negative thoughts. And this is where our meditation practice holds us in good stead as it trains us to allow thoughts to pass through our mind without focusing on them. As a result, after a couple of minutes of experiencing the emotion it just dissipates.   I particularly liked the metaphor used by Bhante Bodhidhamma, a monk on one of my later retreats. He said it was as if we had sacks filled with emotions inside us and each time we got angry for example, our anger sack got bigger; the bigger our anger sack then the quicker we were to anger. But that with meditation, when we were able to focus on the emotion as it arose but without feeding it with negative thoughts, the sack would start to shrink and as a result we became less quick to anger!   Practising Mindfulness Begin by following your breath. Just sit comfortably with your spine straight but relaxed, eyes gently closed and become aware of your breathing. Notice how your body rises and falls with each breath. Keep your attention fixed on this movement. You may notice it in your chest or your stomach. Do not try to slow it down or change it in any way, just observe it without judgment. (Imagine you are a scientist watching an experiment – no expectations!)   Thoughts will come and go, just imagine they are like the clouds on the sky of your mind. There is no need to try to clear your mind of thoughts. The mind’s job is to think. Instead, choose to focus on the movement of your body with each breath. When you find your attention has wandered off on a thought (as it will, frequently!) gently but firmly bring your focus back again to the breath. (As you do, you can smile to yourself to reduce any irritation or frustration at not ‘doing it right’.)   It is really that simple, enjoy!   Even just five minutes of watching your breath is beneficial.   When you make Mindfulness a daily practice you will be amazed at the difference in your life as you start to notice that the stresses of daily life just don’t seem to affect you in the same way 🙂   If you want to learn more about Mindfulness join me and my partner David for our Autumn Cleanse http://costawomen.ning.com/events/autumn-cleanse-detox-your-mind-body-and-spirit.   Autumn Cleanse: a holistic detox for the mind, body and spirit. Enjoy a weekend of pure bliss in magical Tarifa with EFT, Mindfulness, energy exercises and simple healthy food and juices that will leave you feeling amazing! Just 150 euros for two complete days with full board accommodation and all activities when you book before 20 September. Only 8 places available for the retreat.   For more information and a full daily schedule http://www.getenergised.com/Autumn-Cleanse.html   In my next blog I’ll be looking at how to eliminate toxic emotions with EFT.

To all Costa Wonderful Women! PEACE AND LOVE Ouch to be the one to start confusion In front of your eyes is just an illusion These are not just words, nor only lyrics Spiritual awareness lies in quantum physics We followed a path unknowingly With eyes wide open, yet could not see What we believed was so untrue Effecting our psyche without a clue Science will rewrite every page An eternity taken to reach this age The messiah is here you will find And lies within your conscious mind The truth is written in the words above We can only survive with peace and love It’s fear that causes atrocities and makes us weak Clouding our vision, shutting out what we seek When we can cure ourselves of fear The essence of life becomes crystal clear I do not ask that you believe, outrageous words you can’t conceive Why listen to someone else?  Find out the knowledge for yourself Go take a look, I challenge you And see if what I say rings home true!     Dedicated to DR Bruce Lipton!   Bruce H. Lipton, PhD is an internationally recognized leader in bridging science and spirit. Stem cell biologist, bestselling author of The Biology of Belief and recipient of the 2009 Goi Peace Award, he has been a guest speaker on hundreds of TV and radio shows, as well as keynote presenter for national and international conferences. Love Simone

Those lovely people at Amazon have finally priced matched Palmerstone the first of The Friendship Diaries Series as FREE…AND my first born has made it to No 41 in the TOP 100 in the Kindle Store. Literature and Fiction, Genre Fiction, Family Saga http://www.amazon.com/gp/bestsellers/digital-text/157028011/ref=pd_zg_hrsr_kstore_1_3Get it while you can! Author:  Sarah Bevan Fischer. Cover image by Sam AplinXO A recent ***** REVIEW: OMG this has to be one of the BEST books I have read in a long while! I loved all of the characters and their lives were SO believable! I can’t wait to start reading their children’s stories!!!!

Well i spoke to a lovely friend of mine based in Marbella the other day and his advice to me (re moving back to Spain) was come back, go out there, and kill them – i’m hoping he meant vocally lol, we worked together years ago in the UK and shared a venue or 2 when i was based in Spain.   Anyway as i have a child in tow now 🙂 i’m gonna need to organise a bit more than i did the last time i moved so i’m giving myself till the start of the ‘season’ 2014 🙂 that way i’ll get a few regular vocal slots to keep us ticking over while i sort things out!…   Well that’s the plan anyway!! 🙂 xx

Hi ladies i am currently looking for locations on the North and South coast of Spain, to run my workshops. As a life coach and Strategic Interventionist I offer individuals and groups the opportunity to engage with me in a life changing,educational and highly interactive way to challenge belief systems, dismiss fears and depression, increase self awareness, self-worth. Overcome addictions, lose weight for life. Build wonderful and lasting relationships and gain skills and strategies to experience happiness and fulfillment within family environments and in business. I would love to hear from anyone who may know of a suitable venue, is part of a group or just individuals who may be interested please contact me on 637942449 or email motivatemecoaching@outlook.com