On Mindfulness

There is a posture of defense and resistance in me. It had been formed when I was a child and a young person. The purpose of this posture is to keep me safe, to protect me both physically and intellectually from the environment. I have to be protected because the world outside is not benevolent, at least that was my experience while growing up. This conviction of an unfriendly world has stayed with me until now. The protective instinct became so efficient that it protects me not only from real danger but from imaginary one as well, blocking sometimes my own growth. It is on guard constantly-I am on guard constantly, unconsciously scanning the environment for
possible attack and seeing possible attack almost everywhere. This posture makes me tired. It uses all my energy. I don’t really like it. I want to change it. I want to regain some of this energy for other things than protection, things like joy, openness, creativity, abundance, playfulness, friendship…So I sit with it in a safe space of meditation; I pay attention to this strange, protective tension in my body, the fear of some unknown danger which is lingering in me; the eternal insecurity is felt, not thought. And the best way to approach feelings is by feeling them not thinking about them or trying to suppress them. I can do it now dew to this ancient wisdom-meditation.