On Mindfulness

Meditation is about being present. It sounds very simple. But there is a part of me which doesn’t like what is in the present. The critical/thinking mind is never satisfied with what’s here. It wants: more, better, different; it always has a wish of improving, changing and going to what was in the past or reaching for what can be in the future. Luckily the critical mind is not all me. It is only an aspect of me, actually a programme which has to explain in words and language what is happening in my life; it is like a graphomaniac film critique whose task is to rate and review films and most of the time the verdict is: “not good enough”.

If I am able to turn my attention away from that critical mind I can easily get into space of meditation, into the here and now.

The thinking mind is spoilt. I was trained to trust it and admire it. I was told that I don’t exist if I don’t think. The truth is that it stops existing when I don’t pay any attention to it.  And it got so much used to a role of an authoritarian ruler that it will not surrender easily. It uses any trick to stay in this false position of power.  

So I retrain my ability to heed. I start by directing my attention towards sensing impulses and sensations in my body. I detach from thinking. This shift is essential: no verbalizing, no telling stories or judging; only feeling.

My attention is as close to my body as possible, I turn it inside. I am safe in the here and now. I meditate and I find peace in the present.