Sometimes it´s hard to be who we really are and accept ourselves exactly as is. We have basically been raised in a society where we have been taught we need to be accepted by others, and alot of the time, instead of forming our own opinions of ourselves and our value, we base this on what our peers, family and colleagues think of us. What the media shows us is “acceptable and loveable” through movies, supermodels and sitcoms. We spend many years wearing a mask- Speaking and behaving in ways that are so far fetched from who we really are, that eventually this becomes natural to us. We begin to idealise this false idea of “perfection” and strive so hard to become this fantasy, that we lose sight of who we really are. The problem with this, is that our Soul´s know deep down that we are getting further our of alignment, so this generates increasing frustration and resentment in us, causing us to become angry and defensive at a core level.
So then what happens? we start thinking, speaking and acting in ways that don´t serve us, or those around us atall. So arguments start, the green eyed monster emerges, gossiping happens, until we reach a point where we can´t go on any longer and we finally realise something´s gotta give. We sign up to meditation classes, read books on Taoism and Buddhism, we adorn ourselves with crystals and turn vegan and we start to feel a little better about things. We label ourselves as being “Zen” or “Spiritual” but actually our mindsets are still the same. We have spent so many years wearing society´s mask, that we practically need acid to melt it off. After the initial high of our new found “spiritual, healthy ,all loving path” wears off (usually breaking point happens after an hour sitting in traffic with the air con broken- let´s see how zen you are then!) another layer of the onion comes to the surface and we realise actually, on the surface I´ve made a change, but my mindset is still the same. So we take it to the next level and start digging into our brains and emotions and that´s when the magic starts to happen. That´s when we begin to shift at a core level. We begin to fix ourselves from the inside out.
Six years into my own journey of going from being an extremely superficial girl who´s morals were at best, questionable! I have come to realise that old habits die hard and it really is a conscious practice EVERY DAY, of making sure I don´t revert to old thinking patterns and behaviours. And I am sure that many of you who have also walked this path can relate. We come to realise that it´s not about how much money you have, or how many friends you have, or how much you weigh- those are all just layers of ego, that when stripped away- our true selves shine through. It is not just about being beautiful on the outside, but about being beautiful on the inside to an equal extent- because when someone looks into your eyes- they will know who you are. They will see right through the window, into your soul- which is why it is so important to make sure that we are reconnecting on a daily basis with who we really are, and more importantly BEING that person, for all of our perceived flaws and weaknesses we have as humans, as souls we are already perfect.
But even those who have walked a path of transformation and growth for many years, will know that sh*t happens! We are in a human body, with an ego that has been conditioned and directed towards self preservation. Many times it is extremely easy to lose our cool in the heat of the moment. Yes we make bad choices, and say things that we regret, but this is all part of our growth. The important thing is to learn from these occasions and to try not to let them trigger us to such an extent. It is crucial to think about the consequences of our thoughts and actions, BEFORE we act, so we don´t have to be subjected to the effects of them, by which point it´s too late.
SO, how do we do this on a continuous basis to avoid getting ourselves back into a rut and reverting to who we used to be? Well, I can share with you the most simple, yet powerful method that has worked for me, and it consists of two questions.
1. Does doing/thinking/saying this take me closer towards who I want to be, and is it an accurate reflection of who I really am?
2. What do I want people to say about me at my funeral?
The key to achieving what you want in life is Patience, Persistence and being Consistent!
That means, you must be PATIENT with yourself (and others), PERSISTENT in that if you screw up, just keep on going. And being CONSISTENT, which means: if you want people to think of you as a successful person, who inspired others and was reliable, trustworthy and kind, you actually need to BE that person on a daily basis! A good deed here and there is not enough. Humans store memory based on repetition- so if you repeatedly behave in an inconsistent and unstable manner, that is exactly what you will demonstrate yourself to be. You will falsely stick the label of “emotionally unstable” yourself , and to those around you. Not everyone is enlightened or compassionate enough to see through it and recognise it as being unresolved issues, or a wound still healing.
So the next time you are tempted to say something out of character, to behave in a way that doesn´t reflect who you really are- think about that simple question..
“What would I want people to say about me at my funeral?”