We often fall in love with a projection, which simply means that we aren’t properly aware of who the other person really is … and what we love is not necessarily who they really are. But we don’t know this and we are in love and our partner most likely is doing exactly the same thing. You can see how this might create a problem.
In one scenario I’m aware that I’m not the ski slope lover my new partner thinks I am, but I really want him/her to love me back, so I try to mold myself into that, and we do frequent ski trips together. Thing is, I ski relatively well, but perhaps I hate the cold. Or perhaps I enjoy the après-ski a lot more than the actual skiing, but by the time après-ski comes around, my partner is quite tired and wants to go to bed. Or – substitute football, opera, gardening, discussing politics until the wee hours of the morning, or any other activity you care to mention for skiing, and since again, I really would like my new partner to admire me, approve of me, like and love me, I allow myself to get settled into that particular strait jacket. In time I will find this too constricting and will rebel against the strait jacket and then important and potentially difficult issues will arise when my partner begins to see the greater reality of who I really am.
In another scenario perhaps my partner views me as funny, the center of any party, or perhaps he/she sees me as a veritable Doric column of justice and rectitude or a pillar of strength. We don’t know why he/she sees me that way, as said, it’s often a projection, but since I am being seen that way, and I may not even be aware of it, important and difficult issues will arise when my partner’s rosy-colored glasses fall and he/she sees me for who I truly am.
The point of this preamble is to encourage you to see that much as we want others to like or love us, there is great danger in not being true to ourselves in the way we present ourselves. And of course this means that in the first scenario I be as open as possible about my lack of fire for skiing or football or opera, and that in the second scenario – recognizing at least on the basis of this brief post, that it is vital to be as aware as possible at all times in my relationships – I now go about them in a much more conscious way than before in order to prevent – as much as possible – blind actions and reactions such as those described from happening, or at least, catching them as soon as possible, and then nipping them in the bud by discussing what is going on.
Image Credit: funmag.org
Note: If you are wondering why this blog only appears on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul, so named for my earlier book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.
For much more about projection and blindness in relationships, and how awareness about this can help us to move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership which is now available in paperback format. (The Kindle version is now available here)
To download the first chapter, click here
From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.
This ground-breaking book addresses:
• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship
It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships.
Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership
“All humans seek the illusive touch of another’s Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true “tao” of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come.”
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency
REWIRING THE SOUL
For more about understanding the self and inner growth, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).
To download the first chapter, click here
From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be ‘no’, because to answer a truthful ‘yes’ is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.
BIO: Gabriella Kortsch, Ph.D. (Psychology) is author of the bestselling Rewiring the Soul. and the recently released The Tao of Spiritual Partnership. She works in private practice as a psychotherapist, relationship and life coach with an international clientele in southern Spain using an integral focus on body, mind and soul. Also an international speaker, she teaches workshops, posts on her blogs, and publishes a monthly newsletter in English and Spanish. She has three sons.