Costa Women Blogs

Number 13 may be unlucky for some, but it’s fortuitous for the Costa del Sol.   Starting a year which can only get better, reports of rich Russians shopping for luxury products and property were a great advert for Marbella on Spain’s national Informativos Telecinco news, 13/1/13 – ‘La Costa del Sol a la caza de los rusos’ (‘Russians on the hunt on the Costa del Sol’), http://www.telecinco.es/informativos/nacional/Rusos-verano-costa_del_sol-vacaciones-dinero-turistas_2_1540380024.html.   Coinciding with the ELITE Collection campaign promoted by the Costa del Sol Tourist Board with content by Pro Write and Edit, Telecinco’s message to the country is clear: we’re welcoming Russians in ever-increasing numbers as Málaga Airport greeted Spain’s one millionth visitor in October 2012, drawn to our exclusive combination of warm sunny days, leisurely lifestyle, personalised customer care and a reviving real estate market. “And what else do they find here in Marbella? Without doubt, luxury.”   “Everyone in the world knows the Costa del Sol as a destination”, say Telecinco. But Russians escaping their freezing home temperatures are adding weight to the Coast’s high-end reputation and economy with Marbella enjoying a 30% increase in luxury property sales. According to Puerto Banús-based real estate empresaria Kristina Szekely, this high-spending niche “seek small or large first line beach properties, always in the best locations.”   Other prime purchases include the finest jewellery pieces and ultimate tech watches such as the much-sought-after Swiss model worn by Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev. “Price is no object for quality” claims one luxury yacht seller, while another adds: “Russian customers value quality, personal attention and, above all, sincerity.”

It’s January, the month of broken resolutions. Why do we do it? Why, every January 1st do we decide that this year is the year that we will finally achieve our weight loss goals and become the person we long to be? How many January the firsts have we spent pouring over the latest diet-to-end-all-diets, the one that will finally mould our out-of-control bodies into that of the svelte like model in the picture, with the crisp clean tape measure loosely held around her bony hips? How many times have we found ourselves one week, two weeks a month later, staring down at the fickle bathroom scales, incredulous that after all that deprivation, will power and superhuman effort we are back to exactly where we were when we started? Why do we set ourselves up for failure? Every year! Dieting does not work, it never has and never will, and it is absolutely not your fault that you cannot permanently change your body weight by following a diet, whatever the claims made by those who came up with it. Yes, you may weigh, measure, exercise and deprive yourself into ‘shape’. The will power that is needed to get to your goal weight is super human; many give up the struggle long before the scales reach that magic number. Few are able to sustain the weight loss. It is like stopping smoking; you either stop and become an ex-smoker, or stop and become a smoker who denies themselves cigarettes. The latter may not smoke but spends every day resisting the urge to have another cigarette. This person is not truly free, they are not really an ‘ex-smoker’, they are a smoker who isn’t smoking, battling with their urges every day. This is a life of constant conflict and stress, exhausting and unfulfilling. Long term weight loss is the same. When you embark upon a diet you use your will power to keep you following the rules, eating what you are told is best for you and sticking to prescribed exercise regimes. If you are able to stick to it all, you will lose weight, at first. However at some point you will stop dieting. At this point you will face the same challenges as the person who has stopped smoking. When you end your diet, either because you have achieved your target weight or because it all just got too difficult you usually either go back to overeating, whilst waiting for the next diet to offer you a final solution, or you manage to maintain your weight by closely watching what you eat and balancing it with enough exercise. Whichever category you fall into you are still a dieter who is not at the moment on a diet. As with the ex-smoker who needs to change her relationship with cigarettes, to become a true ex-dieter you need to change your relationship with diets. Diets have to become something that you eliminate from your life, as are cigarettes for the ex-smoker. Sustainable change around your relationship with food is only achieved by rewriting the internal dialogue you have around it, freeing you to think only about eating when you are hungry, without guilt, without restriction and without fear. Embarking upon yet another diet, whatever it promises, will not change the way your subconscious mind thinks. All those times you started a diet and failed to stick to it, all the times you told yourself your stomach wasn’t flat enough, or your thighs were too heavy, your hips to wide, your subconscious mind recorded the words and feelings you experienced onto a loop which plays constantly in the background of your mind. This subconscious tape is extremely powerful, far more powerful than anything your conscious mind has to say. It is the thoughts that originate from our subconscious mind that determine our behaviour. It is here that our lasting perceptions and beliefs are held. So, when you make promises to stick to a healthy eating plan, to walk once a day, to go swimming regularly, you are making them with your conscious mind. All the time your subconscious tape is playing telling you the exact opposite; ‘you know you can’t stick to it, you’ll fail, you’ll always be fat’. Every time you allow your concentration to slip, that default tape will come to the forefront of your mind, triggering those self destructive thoughts. No wonder New Years resolutions are so difficult to stick to! As you can see, your subconscious mind is the boss, it runs the show. However it is also from within this powerful, subconscious mind that lasting change originates, if we know how to tap into it and re-record the message it is constantly transmitting to us. It is only by changing the words on that tape recording that you have playing in your mind that you can permanently lose weight, and find freedom from the enslavement of diets. Diets and slimming clubs which encourage you to effect change by providing you with advice on what to eat and when, motivating you at weekly meetings and rallying you to take action are engaging the conscious mind. All of this can help you to lose weight, for a while, and you will, all the time you can stick to the programme, but because they do not address the workings of the subconscious mind change can be very short lived. We, at Imeson Jackson, help you to retrain your brain, freeing you from the thought processes which keep you enslaved. These changes occur gently, easily, lovingly. You will discover balance, harmony and joy. By the time you leave us you will have all the tools you need to embark upon a life without diets, a life where you are the master of your own thoughts, and free to shape the future into one that you truly desire. Our transformational holidays enable you to truly become an ex-dieter. Our programme is designed to tap into those self destructive subconscious recordings and rewrite them. Together, deep in the heart of the Andalucian countryside, we will finally uncover what is holding you back from having the life you desire. Experientially, whilst enjoying our finest home cooked cuisine, you will discover that finding out what lies behind why and how you eat is the key to a life without diets. So, this January, why not do something that really works. Ditch the diet and the slimming clubs and do something that will change your life. Join us here in beautiful sunny Spain and re-discover your magnificence!

I’ve been meaning to write this blog post for a week or so but I wasn’t sure where I wanted to publish it. I did know, however, that I had to publish it, if it was to do me any good at all. And this seems as good a place as any, relatively anonymous except to those who know me, and away from my own website which is important. You see I miss him, yet I never really knew him and that’s hard to explain. But for four and a half months as he grew inside me, an inextricable bond developed between Horatio and I. Even his Dad noticed it, and that’s saying something. Or it was before even he had to grow up in such a short space of time. His Dad, we’ll call him “R”, was not wholly impressed when I first told him I was pregnant. We’ve been together forever but he never felt ready to start a family, despite being the most amazing teacher and entertainer of children when required. He’s been a school teacher for many years and is incredibly skilled at helping and relating to young children with or without special needs. Whenever we go to parties at friends’ houses, he can be found playing with the children – he’d much rather kick a football around with them, play volleyball in the pool or perhaps invent a game with a bag of pegs than chat to the Dads over a beer. So his immediate reaction, while not completely unexpected, was still upsetting.  Then we went for our first scan at five and a half weeks. It showed that we were expecting twins. Now that was something to get our heads around. We hadn’t even planned the pregnancy, let alone thought about having two nippers in our one bedroom apartment (which we already share with a rather long legged but adorable labrador). R’s reaction in the doctor’s office was hilarious. He said “Oh” followed by the F word and sat down heavily in a chair that the nurse supplied with timing only experience can provide. It did at least break the ice. He forgot that he was mad at me and I forgot that he had upset me. We laughed. In fact the doctor gave up talking to us and sent us home. Every time we looked at each other we exploded into giggles! Outside the clinic, the remote broke for the car and the key wouldn’t work. We were stranded, had to call a taxi but carried on laughing! As the days and weeks progressed, I became entirely overwhelmed by the prospect of two babies at the same time. Walking around the supermarket would create panic – Mercadona doesn’t have many trolleys adapted for one baby, and none adapted for two. How long before they were born would I have to stop working? How was I going to go back to work with two babies? How much would the nursery cost? How would I pay the mortgage? I first realised that R’s attitude was changing radically at our second scan (eight weeks five days) when we found out that one of the twins had died earlier that week. R commented in the car (now fixed) that he’d never really appreciated or even considered how much a part of the mother the babies were right from the word go. You may think that’s a strange thing for him to have said, but remember he’s a guy and sometimes their thought processes are just that bit slower. So, to say it’s been a rollercoaster of a journey right from the start is a slight understatement. I felt bad not being more upset about twin number one not surviving but deep down all I felt was relief. Those in the know thought that I was hiding my emotion and that one day I would break down and mourn him or her. But no, I was grateful (and still fairly shocked) that we had one baby safely developing inside us and that I could envisage our lives ahead much more easily than I could when we were expecting two babies.  We began to plan for what lay ahead and although the last few weeks of the first trimester seemed to drag on, we eventually made it out of those crucial first twelve weeks and into the relative safety of week thirteen. It hadn’t been easy. I lost 8 kg, was sick most mornings and so nauseous the rest of the time that cooking and eating were hard. Kind people commented on how I’d lost weight – I wanted to scream at them that I shouldn’t because I was pregnant but, of course, couldn’t. I gave in to those who knew me too well and realised that something was up. It’s hard to hide the fact that you’re feeling horrendous but have happy news behind it all.  So the thirteen week scan went well. “Horace” or “Horatio” as R insisted on calling him waved at us on the screen, showed us his arms and legs, his organs plus his all important nasal bone and nuchal tissue. The gynecologist chuckled at me as I interpreted for R and added gems that I had learnt through my reading, commenting that I spent too much time worrying and reading on the internet. And then he sent me for blood tests… … which I failed miserably. Horace was very high risk for Down’s Syndrome and we were advised to have an amniocentesis which I was viciously against (again probably from having read too much online about the associated risks). Our lovely gynecologist gave us his mobile number so that we could go home and think about it before deciding one way or another. We sought a second opinion, visiting another gynecologist in Marbella who undertook the most amazing 4d scan that lasted for nearly two hours. We came out quite reassured with loads of pictures and a DVD of Horace from all angles (definitely a boy), with measurements indicating that he was doing okay, not likely to have Down’s Syndrome even if there was a risk that his limbs were just a few days behind the rest of his development. We saw his feet, his fingers, the vessels in his heart and umbilical cord – even his face. At one stage, probably bored by the paparazzi (as R so succinctly put it) and being made to jiggle around and pose, he rested his chin on his fist just like his Dad does while watching the footie.  It was enough for me to decide for definite not to have the amniocentesis and R agreed. We carried on planning for the future, wary that Horace may have Down’s Syndrome but believing it to be something we could handle if necessary. Friends gave us loads of pieces of baby equipment, play mats, rockers, baths, clothes for me and for Horace, and a gorgeous pair of little shoes. A very close friend even gave me a changing bag that was incredibly dear to her as her brother had given it to her before he passed away. Our little apartment was becoming very full of things and we were looking forward to moving house and getting it ready for Horace’s arrival in May. I was a bit preoccupied that my belly wasn’t growing as much as I had expected but to be honest, there’s a lot of padding there so may be it was just difficult to see. R was quite blase about the next scan, scheduled in for eighteen weeks minus two days, the Thursday before Christmas. So was I, to be honest, until the day itself. I was nervous but then I always am before seeing the doctor. But R couldn’t come this time and in the car on the way there, I felt a sense of foreboding. I had a feeling I was going to have to ring R to tell him I was going to hospital. Bizarrely, after the gynecologist told me there was no heartbeat and when I told him that I had had a feeling there was something wrong, he said that he felt it too as soon as I walked into the clinic.  I didn’t have to ring R as the gynecologist had told me to report to Urgencias at the Costa del Sol hospital the next morning rather than go straight there. It was awful telling our parents that the baby had no heartbeat but it had to be done. I told mine while R told his. Dreadful conversations they were but there was no way to avoid them. We have to learn to ask more questions as when we headed to the hospital the next morning, I had no idea what to expect or how long we would be there. From Urgencias we were taken up to Obs/Gyn and I had an amniocentesis and then was admitted. They administered drugs to bring on labour and that night I delivered Horatio and four hours later his placenta.  The physical after effects have lasted a lot longer than I had expected and still go on now nearly three weeks post delivery. A constant reminder of what you have lost. And I guess it is these physical symptoms that can make you weaker and thus the emotional side of things more difficult to bear. I’m no longer crying a zillion times a day like at first but it still happens, when you least expect it. I’m not feeling very brave or sociable, I’d rather hide out at home but then I became more like that when I was pregnant anyway. There are a couple of reasons for me wanting to write this blog post. Firstly to praise the staff at the Costa del Sol hospital who were amazing. Things are different here in Spain to back home and poor R was required to do a lot of the dirty donkey work around my nursing, especially once the contractions had started and I was no longer allowed to get up off the bed. He really proved his worth that night, and has been wonderfully protective ever since. Secondly, I don’t want other people going through this to feel alone. It wasn’t that I felt like I was the only person to have experienced the pain of losing a baby so far along in my pregnancy but I felt, and still feel to a certain extent, that there was no-one around who could answer my questions. R put a note on Facebook to say that we had lost the baby as he felt this was the best way to let the maximum number of people know so we didn’t have to keep telling everyone. He wrote it brilliantly and succinctly, and very delicately asking people not to respond publicly. It was the best thing he could have done. I received so many emails and wishes of support, none of which I have managed to reply to yet but I am going to pluck up the courage to read them again and reply this week. So many of my friends, in particular, my friends from school, have lost babies at various stages through their pregnancies and in some cases suffered the incomparable grief of stillborn angels.  Still, I don’t feel able to ask them some of the questions I have particularly about the physical side of things but then that’s probably British reserve kicking in. One person wrote that although she knew I wouldn’t want to compare miscarriage stories, she wanted me to know that she had been there too. I disagree. I think we probably should share our miscarriage stories for our own mental wellbeing – perhaps particularly those of us who live abroad with different friendship groups and dynamics less suited to sharing the intimate details. Who knows – perhaps we should write a book. I for one certainly can’t put it into verbal words – the written word is so much easier to handle.  As I force myself in 2013 I’m trying to be optimistic. The unavoidable “13” in the date isn’t helping but there’s no getting round it! The world didn’t end for all on 21st December, just for me (and probably a few other people too) but I live in hope that the world will be reborn for us before too long. 

Stress produces harmful free radicals and other bio-chemicals that can damage our tissues and DNA. Recent research shows that chronic stress reduces levels of DHEA, a powerful hormone directly connected to lifespan, and increases levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which has been linked to accelerated aging. LifeWave research has shown that Y-age Aeon helps support the balance of the autonomic nervous system, ultimately decreasing the body’s stress response! (Source Lifewave) For further information please check www.lifewave.com/800775

Back in October I blogged about how I came to write my latest novel SANTIAGO TALES and where the idea had come from.  Now, at last, I have published it as a Kindle ebook.   Writing a novel is the easiest part for me.  The hard work comes when your work has to be edited, and repeatedly proof read.  Luckily I have a few kind friends who are always willing to help with the proof reading but it never ceases to amaze me how easily simple typos and spelling mistakes are overlooked.  Most of my books get read a dozen times before they are ready to publish   A fellow author and member of Costa Women, Karen McCann, also kindly gave me an endorsement for the book.  You can read it below: ‘Joan Fallon’s new book, Santiago Tales, lets you walk 790 kilometres in the shoes of a modern-day pilgrim on the ancient Way of St. James across northern Spain. Her book illuminates the entire experience, from bedbugs and blisters to the camaraderie of the hostels and long days of solitude and contemplation. A must read for anyone considering walking the Camino, or for armchair travellers who want to immerse themselves in the 1000-year-old traditions of this spiritual journey.’   Karen McCann, author of ‘Dancing in the Fountain’ I will be publishing a paperback edition of SANTIAGO TALES at the end of the month.  This will be available on Amazon and in bookshops. So many thanks to all my friends and acquaintances who made this book possible and I hope they are looking forward to the next one.

Having the inner wherewithal to choose your attitude at all times is a recipe for well-being. If you know that no matter what the circumstances, you will be capable of choosing an attitude that maintains your own inner well-being or balance, you know that nothing – but absolutely nothing – that comes your way will have the ability to throw you. But most people can’t do this. The main reason is because very few people in our culture tell us about this way of living when we are growing up. And then, of course, once we have grown up, we are convinced that it is otherwise. In other words, that our attitude is determined by our circumstances. If things are gong well, we are happy. If they are not, we are most definitely not happy. And that’s it. But there are those others, over the millennia, that have propagated another kind of thinking. Not everyone is aware of them, not everyone has paid attention to them, but they are out there and have been out there for those whose eyes are open since the beginning of time. Here is their message: being conscious and aware of yourself at all times, as well as accepting responsibility for yourself and your inner state at all times, allows you to choose your attitude in the face of any kind of situation at all.  You’ll need to have a brief dialogue with yourself if you wish this to take root in your life. The brief dialogue needs to be held when a situation falls into your life that would normally render you unhappy, fearful, stressed, frustrated, angry, or impatient, judgmental, critical or self-aggrandizing. Add to that list any other descriptive that you care that lies on the negative side of the emotional continuum we are all subject to, and then realize that whether or not you go in that direction – will from now on depend entirely on you and not on your circumstances – if you practice being so. The dialogue might go like this: such-and-such has happened this normally makes me feel unhappy or have this __________________ attitude but I have a choice about how I feel do I wish to feel unhappy or have this ________________________ attitude about it? no I don’t so if I have a choice, what might be a better attitude or feeling to have? I could choose to remain calm I could choose to find a place of inner balance before I decide what to do I could choose to look at this as a learning experience There are many variations on this theme, but they all come down to one common denominator: it is up to you. It is your choice. And that is how simple it is. Obviously it requires practice – but then so do most things that are worthwhile attaining. It was Victor Frankl who said: the last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances. And he said this after having survived Auschwitz … For more about being aware of your choices prior to deciding on an attitude or feeling, and of making conscious choices that will enhance your life and promote greater inner peace and freedom, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle). To download the first chapter, click here To see the Table of Contents click here Also see my special Christmas Bonus offer with gifts for YOU here From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be ‘no’, because to answer a truthful ‘yes’ is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life. My new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is now also available in print and Kindle formats. To download the first chapter, click here To see the Table of Contents click here From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution. This ground-breaking book addresses: • relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationshipIt is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships.  Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership “All humans seek the illusive touch of another’s Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true “tao” of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come.” Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author “Eloquently and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.” Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born “The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth.” William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body  *********************************** Gabriella Kortsch, Ph.D., CHT Author: Rewiring the Soul  (2011) & The Tao of Spiritual Partnership (2012) Blogs: http://RewiringtheSoul.com / http://TaoofSpiritualPartnership.com Web: www.advancedpersonaltherapy.com / www.terapiamarbella.com + 34 952 929 071 —  Marbella, SPAIN Psychotherapist: English   /   Español   /   Deutsch