Costa Women Blogs

Another IOS update… more bug fixes and improvements, (so ‘they’ say) to your phone, tablet or PC. And then when it is updated, stuff has moved and changed again aaggghh! But we adapt and get used to it. We can’t go back, even if we wanted to. If we feel that something is not working quite as well as it should, then it’s time to look at our own IOS. Our own internal operating system. Which version of your own IOS are you on? The same one as usual? One that does for now but definitely needs an update. In the middle of a full upgrade? There isn’t really a correct answer in these three, but it is useful to consider when you feel that things need to change in your career, your business or your life. Our IOS Our IOS is our constant operating principal, our guiding light, our rock, or something a bit less dramatic… just what we believe in. What we believe in, of course, ranges wildly on a continuum between perceived good and bad. We can believe in a cause, a movement, a religion, people places and things outside of ourselves. But what we are talking about here is our internal operating system. We may have internalised things that were originally outside of ourselves.  Someone else’s believe system, a particular style guide, minimalism, a hero’s way of being and doing and that’s ok too. An exception to this of course would be a rigid or dogmatic belief system like a cult where free thinking isn’t really encouraged! The good news is though, because we are all beautifully unique, then we put our own spin on things to make it the most comfortable, for us.   Embodying a belief. When we are wholly committed to our guiding principles and beliefs and they fit perfectly for us then we start to embody it.  By expressing all that we believe in our words and deeds, we are a walking embodiment of what we stand for. Sometimes we are confused about where others are ‘coming from’. We are not sure what drives them, and we can spend many hours guessing (or gossiping) about what their IOS is. We will never really know their full IOS and really, it’s none of our business. We just need to know what our own one is. In his book, The Map of Consciousness Explained, Dr David Hawkins talks about the constant operating principal of our lives and how this drives us. Being driven by the emotion of Fear, is quite different from being driven by Love. We know this.  In another book, a classic leadership and motivational text by Jim Collins invites us to upgrade ‘From Good to Great’. This is where aspiration starts to kick in. Why just be good when you can upgrade your IOS and become great? I like Dr David’s take on this: ‘you become great when you support the greatness of others’.  What an inspiring IOS… to support the greatness of others!  Upgrading your IOS Through self-awareness we can understand what has been driving us so far, our past and current IOS. If our current IOS isn’t bringing us the results that we want in our life, we can choose to change. If you need some bug fixes and improvements, then it might be time for a compassionate review of your life. We can upgrade our IOS. We can upgrade our thoughts and actions to ones that serve us better and in turn serve others so that they can choose to do the same. If you need help in planning an upgrade, do get in touch. I help people get clear on their goals, find the empowerment they need to achieve what they want, their way. Dale Potts Business and Career Coach https://www.connectedcoach.org/

In a recent 2021 goal-achievement survey I conducted of women entrepreneurs in Europe and the US, it came as no surprise that the biggest mindset challenges they felt they were currently facing were ‘confidence, motivation, and focus.’ Though many survey participants had set goals for 2021, less than 20% felt they had a 75% or more chance of achieving them, and 6.5% feared it may be pointless or impossible to try and reach their desired goals this year. We are all aware of what the pandemic can do to our bodies, but perhaps less aware of the effect it’s having on our minds, regardless of whether we have contracted the virus. Many of us, due to personal hardships because of the pandemic, what we are seeing and hearing on the news, our commiserating conversations with others, and our subconscious reactions to seeing everyone outside of our homes in masks, are in a heightened, prolonged state of stress, known as the ‘fight, flight or freeze response.’ And when we are in this state – in which our primitive brain, the Amygdala, has sensed danger and started pumping our system with the stress hormone Cortisol – the more modern part of our brain effectively powers down so that all the power goes towards getting away from the danger. But for the moment there is no escaping the danger of COVID-19. We can minimize it by wearing masks in public, keeping our social distance, washing our hands and getting vaccinated when the opportunity arises, but for the foreseeable future it is a danger that we have to live with. So how do we get ourselves out of the fight, flight or freeze response and send power back to the part of our brain that can keep us focused and motivated on making the most out of 2021 regardless of what’s happening around us? Here are 5 brain hacks to help keep you more focused, motivated, and confident in your ability to achieve your desired personal and professional success in 2021: Surround Yourself with Images of What You Want – I know some of you may roll your eyes at the idea of ‘vision boards’ but the fact is that your subconscious – in charge of 95% of your thoughts, feelings, actions and therefore outcomes – only pays attention to two things. The images you focus on repeatedly, and the words you say to yourself and others repeatedly. Surround it with images of doom, gloom and danger and it will kick into survival mode, and that’s what you will do – survive. Surround it with images of how you want to thrive, and it will energize and empower you to create what you repeatedly show it. Bombard Yourself with Words About What You Want – and there’s the eyeroll again – yes, I’m talking about mantras, because your subconscious needs clear simple instructions about what to focus on, believe and create for you, and it needs it repeated over and over again. A great way to do this is to create a positive question about what you want to achieve and include your biggest obstacle against achieving it into your question. For example, ‘why am I so easily and effortlessly losing 10kg when I can’t even go to the gym?’ or ‘how am I rapidly growing my client base without networking events or conferences to attend?’ Pose a question to your subconscious over and over and it will go on a mission to create and implement the answer! Anchor Your Workspace to a Focus and Flow Mindset – Make sure that you consistently work in the same space, and that you only do work in that space. Don’t eat in that space, or watch TV there, or check social media, or surf the net. Turn off ping notifications and minimize distractions while in this space, and take movement breaks from it at least every 90 minutes. For those of you working from home with limited space, where the dining room table or the living room sofa is your only option, then switch seats and the angle that you’re facing when you are not working. Make sure that images of what you want to achieve are within your workspace sight, and have music playing softly in the background with a binaural beat in the Beta range of 13-20 Hz to increase concentration and focus (available on Spotify and other music channels. *Check with your doctor first. There are a few conditions that are not compatible with listening to binaural beats.) Do the Worst First & Quench a Thirst – Determine the 20% of your actions that will bring you 80% of your results, identify which of those actions you dread the most and always do it first. Be it the dreaded workout, the accounts, the sales calls, the video recording or live broadcast, etc. Make a routine of doing it first thing per day, week, etc. Then immediately celebrate your success with something you ‘thirst’ for –some dark chocolate, a phone call to a friend, a walk outside, a 15-minute dance break, a coffee break, etc. If you want your subconscious on board and fueling your goal achievement you must convince it that the actions you need to take to get there consistently bring you more pleasure than pain. So reward yourself repeatedly, every day, with a variety of healthy, feel good experiences after every completed task, especially the ones you don’t initially look forward to. Reprogram Your Brain While You Sleep – install a new set of empowering beliefs and clear instructions for your subconscious of exactly what you want to create, receive and achieve while your mind’s over-protective gatekeeper, the conscious mind, is asleep. A qualified hypnotherapist can create hypnosis tracks for you focused on your specific goals and the empowering beliefs you need to achieve them, that you fall asleep to every night (so no precious time lost during the day) to rapidly boost your belief and ability to create the success you want. They can also produce daytime versions with the beta binaural beats so that you are more focused and productive while working, with the added benefit of increasing your self-belief and motivation to succeed. By Barbara Scalera, The Success Hypno Coach, successhypno.coach If you’re interested in obtaining bespoke day and evening hypnosis tracks focused on your specific goals email barbara@successhypno.coach. If you are an existing or aspiring woman entrepreneur who wants greater confidence, motivation and focus to achieve your desired success in 2021 you can APPLY HERE to participate in Barbara’s upcoming free 4-week course, 2021 SUCCESS MINDSET REBOOT, starting MONDAY 22 FEBRUARY

In the first of our revitalised Costa Women interviews, it seems appropriate that the first person is Lorraine Williamson who many of you know has been supporting me since last March with Costa Women events, marketing and projects.   Hello Lorraine, why Spain? It was like a second home as we already came to visit 3 or 4 times each year.   Where are you based and why should we move there too? I live in Marbella. It is a very central location for easy access to Malaga and the airport, Gibraltar and Africa. There is a good road network and also trains from Fuengirola which is only 20 minutes away. Marbella has a beautiful long beach and fantastic walks. There are many bars and restaurants as well as the quaint “old town” with famous orange square that everyone should visit. It is within walking distance to Puerto Banus and has many mountains and lakes all nearby.   How do you spend your days? I have various online projects and am a health and wellbeing coach. I am Director of Communications for a charity, Liluye. I love walking on the beach or in the mountains. I enjoy horse-riding, running and painting.   Something you have achieved, or are grateful for, during these COVID19 days… I am grateful for my grandaughter, Sofia and for the support I have from my family and friends around me. I have learned a lot online during Covid and have been able to make use of my new skills in a practical way.   If you arranged a dinner party with your favourite people, who would you invite? Messi, The Williams sisters, Sebastian Coe, Jessie J, James Boardman, Dan Highcock   What is your superpower? My commitment/determination   One thing you had to bring to Spain that you could never give away… Some items of my mums as they can never be replaced.   Favourite Childhood Book? Stig of the dump. Can’t remember why but it has always stuck with me.   The only thing you are most looking forward to when restrictions are lifted is.. Travel   Something you would tell your younger self? If it feels right, do it   Where can we connect with you? https://www.facebook.com/groups/lifeinbalancebylorraine   Thanks Lorraine!  

An urge is a desire to do or not do something. It appears in our body as feeling. We have genuine bodily urges to sleep, eat, drink water, move, procreate and go to the ladies! We also have urges to do or not do something that feel genuine but are not. Urges are driven by our thoughts, beliefs and habits for example: checking our phone when we just checked it two minutes ago, to eat or drink or do something we promised ourselves we wouldn’t.   Resisting and reacting to an urge    Whether our urges are genuine or not, we are mostly taught two options. Resist them or react to them.  Resisting an urge is often known as ‘white knuckling it’. Hanging on, gritting our teeth and using all our determination to not do the thing that the urge is telling us to do. The opposite is reacting to the urge, giving in, letting ‘it’ get the better of us and doing what we had promised we wouldn’t do and then feeling bad afterwards and making it worse by beating ourselves up. Hands up all those who have done that. Chocolate, wine, online shopping? I have! There is another way There is another way with our urges. An urge is just feeling in our body driven by a thought in our brain. The more we repeat the thought, the more we train our brains and the more the urge will appear. We know this with these ‘wine’ habits of ours. Or whatever your habits are …. Insert appropriately! For example, thoughts such as the ones below: I have had a tough week I deserve it. It’s the weekend, I can relax and …. Everyone else is doing it…. there’s a pandemic on! I’ll start again on Monday. I’ve got no willpower… Just one …. can’t hurt and it makes me feel good. When we keep repeating patterns of thought we are carving deep neural pathways in our brain. Our thoughts become ingrained and when the external cue is triggered, the urge appears, again and again. The good news is, we can change, if we really want to. Choosing to observe an urge instead This a very powerful premise. We can choose our thoughts, and we can choose to observe our urges. But we need to learn to do this. Often, we feel that our urge to do or not do something controls us. It’s like sleepwalking. We hear people say, ‘suddenly I found myself in front of the fridge’, or ‘opening a bottle’, or ‘handing over my credit card’.  6 steps to breaking an urge When we choose to observe our urges instead of reacting or resisting, we can let the feeling go through our body and pass through. We can literally let it ‘wash over us’.  An urge, a feeling, is a vibration of energy that may need to be observed many times over and over until the link in the chain of events from circumstance to action is lessened or broken. If you are trying to break from an urge that is not serving you then try this: Reflect when the urge to do or not do something usually appears. After a tough day? When difficult emotions surface? At a set time of the day? Notice what the urge to do ‘the thing’ feels like. Do you feel disconnected? Do you lose time? Do you move quickly? Can you name the feeling in your body? It’s ok if you react to it at first and go ahead and do the thing, but progress is knowing that there was an urge and how it felt. Take note of any patterns. For example, ‘it’s nearly 6pm, this is when I normally feel the urge to ….’. At this point you can also choose to use distraction as a supporting tool. If 6pm or whatever is a trigger to do a thing, change your routine around that time. The urge may still come but you have already taken yourself out of the usual circumstance and you are already lessening the pattern.  Plan for the next time. Be ready and plan to ‘sit with it’. This means sitting, breathing, really focusing on your breathing and waiting for the urge to pass through your body. The urge is a feeling, an emotion and we know that emotions pass with time. Helpful self- talk and phrases such as ‘ah this is what the urge to do….… feels like’. ‘here it is, right on cue’. Practice, practice, practice. Words don’t teach, only experience teaches. Knowing this is intellectually good, but until we practice in real time for ourselves, we won’t know what it feels like. When we have practised thoughts into unhelpful urges then we need to find thoughts that support our desire to change. Helpful thoughts such as: ‘It’s possible for me to change or stop or do less of or more of … something, leaves the door open to change. Finding your own sentences like ‘it’s possible for me to allow this urge to pass without reacting’ are so kind and gentle to ourselves. Using words like this in the midst of an urge are known as ‘pattern interrupters. They literally change your brain and in turn change your feelings and the action that you take or don’t take. Learning to get back in control when urges are having a little bit too much impact in our lives build self-awareness, trust and integrity with ourselves. This builds our personal power and confidence. Isn’t that a good thing? If you have an urge that you are reacting to, a little too often and would like to stop, do get in touch. I help people get clear on their goals, find the empowerment they need to achieve what they want, their way. Dale Potts Business and Career Coach connectedcoach.org  

Do you feel you work too much and don´t have enough time for you or your family? Traditionally January has been the month where we start afresh.  It´s a clean slate, a new page in our journal.  Perhaps we take time to weigh up, compare and evaluate what worked the previous year and what didn´t.  We use January to balance the books from the previous year and to put our lives back on an even keel – to retain some equilibrium and steadiness to prepare us for the year ahead.  But what has it meant for you?  Did you put any of our tips into practice?  It´s not too late.    We have even more expert advice available for you, and after all – life shouldn´t just be in balance in January.  We hope you will gain something from this information to help you set new habits and create your life in balance going forward. Work from home – or live at work? Maya Middlemiss, freelance journalist, and author has some positive suggestions as to how to change our “home-office” mindset into a positive one. The explosion in remote working is one positive and continuing legacy of the global health crisis. It has opened more opportunities than ever before for people to live wherever they choose, doing location-independent work in a field they are passionate about. However, many people have struggled to integrate a workplace into a home that was never designed or chosen for this purpose.  This has also been impacted by the erosion of vital boundaries between life and work, especially where space is at a premium. If you are not fortunate enough to have a dedicated office room with a door to close at the end of the day, here are some tips to help stop work and life blending into one huge amorphous mess: Plan your day, to get clear on your priorities and most important tasks, while allowing time for reactive work, and having a cut off time in mind to work towards. Ritualise the start of the day, in a way that is meaningful for you. Rather than checking work email in bed just because you can, create a routine that moves you from personal to working mindset.  This can help you impose a boundary, where none physically exists!  Consider exercise, meditation, journaling, coffee, or whatever combination helps you shift into the right gear. Just prior to “switching off”, be sure to list any uncompleted tasks and carry them over into tomorrow’s plan, so they don’t buzz around in your subconscious. Then log out of your work tools. If you are sharing space, symbolic boundaries might help – like a paper room divider. While it does nothing for the noise of someone else’s meeting or classroom session, it can help you focus mentally on your own work. It also hides your work area from view in the evenings.  It can also help hide any domestic chaos from your Zoom background. Identify and ask for the help you need, whether that’s a call with your manager about your stress levels and how they can better support you, or a supportive chat in the Healthy Happy Homeworking community Overcommunicate, to pre-empt micromanagement and surveillance. Lots of managers are as insecure and unfamiliar with this set-up as anyone else.  A tendency to demand endless reporting and supervision might be as much about their need for reassurance as your likelihood to slack off. Achieving balance when you work from home can be challenging, but ultimately, it can also be incredibly liberating.  It’s well worth taking active steps to instill the right boundaries, manage yourself, and manage-up as well if you have to. Once you truly uncouple work from a place you go, to be a thing you do, you’ll have the world at your feet… And hopefully, we will all soon be free to explore that world a bit more freely. Maya Middlemiss is a freelance journalist and author from London settled in Valencia, Spain. She is the author of the Healthy Happy Homeworking book series, with book 1 ‘Out Of The Office’ available now, and the new book on boundaries, “Finding Your Edge” publishing shortly. Join the mailing list for pre-order advice and pricing. Continuing with our theme on “Balance”, Leigh Matthews, Australian Psychologist and Founder of Therapy in Barcelona talks about how at times, we all struggle to seek balance. Selflessness has been glorified as a goal for the “good” woman, while balance, and the assertiveness, self-care, and boundaries that support balance, have been relegated to the realm of the “bad” woman/mother/wife. Balance has nothing to do with being good or bad, and everything to do with thriving, and empowering our children, partners, siblings, colleagues, and friends to thrive too. Stress is the result of imbalance. Stress occurs when the demands on you outweigh your coping resources. Finding balance means reducing the demands on you, or increasing coping skills, or both. What balance means and looks like is unique to you. When you have it, you will be thriving in multiple areas of your life, feel calmer, sleep better, be less easily upset by trivial things, and more enthused by your daily tasks. Balance is dynamic. There is no state of perfection or endpoint. Balance requires frequent reflections, and adjustments in priorities as the demands on you shift or as your self-care shifts. If you lose balance, you can get it back. If you obtain balance, you can lose your balance. It’s like riding a bike, you respond to changes in the environment or your wellbeing to keep balance. Self-compassion is essential on this journey because you will lose balance….and then obtain it again. In seeking balance it can help to shift from the question “what should I do?” to “who am I?” Who are you? What do you need and want? What are your values and priorities? The answers are the compass that will guide you in the boundaries you set and the choices you make to be able to function well. If you value family time, then you will need to set boundaries around work if it is devouring family life. If you value longevity and physical health, then fatigue, or illness signal a need to shift priorities to enhance self-care. If you are miserable and pursuing zero joyful activities, then you need to find some joy in your hobbies. In seeking balance it can help to shift from the thought “This is selfish” to “This is helping me show up as my best for others.” Balance is work and requires toppling mental barriers to obtaining and maintaining it. Beliefs like “I’ll upset others if I ask for what I need or want” prevent you from taking time or delegating to rectify the imbalance. Knowing your needs and personal bill of rights helps you to stay convinced of your right to do what needs to be done to maintain balance. “I have the right to say no!” “I have the right to change my mind.”  Did you realise, that just three words can help you in your quest for balance: “delegate, automate and eliminate.” Communicate assertively to delegate tasks at work and home. Balance means making conscious choices, taking responsibility, and granting responsibility to others. Delegate. Use technology to automate, schedule online shopping or social media posts. Use your email’s vacation responder to alert people to your need for time to respond. Eliminate tasks and sometimes even people that are unnecessary or make you stressed.  Care for yourself. Create your environment. Connect with your community. Ritualise your day – yoga in the morning, a walk after lunch, a non-negotiable lunchtime, news once a day for 30 minutes, an end and start time to the working day that you stick to, dedicated time for the family to eat and play together. Tend to your physical space. Lavish yourself with the nourishing, luxurious, “good” things you put aside for “special” days. Today is a special day. Now, we have an opportunity to get back to basics. Without travel plans, extracurricular activities, and social demands, we have an opportunity to reflect on our priorities, to better support our juggling act when the fullness of life returns.  Balance is a skill that requires practice and allows us to live a full expression of ourselves. The gifts of balance include self-respect, improved health, the capacity to be the best version of yourself, and, in turn a better mother, friend, colleague, boss, sibling, or partner.  By Leigh Matthews, Australian Psychologist and Founder of Therapy in Barcelona, an international team of therapists working online and in office with adults, couples, children, adolescents, and families. Follow Therapy in Psychologist and Founder of Therapy in Barcelona on Instagram @therapyinbcn or join their Therapist Led Peer Support Group on Facebook Do you feel you have that work-life balance in better proportion since working from home, or has any balance gone? We hope that some of these tips and insights will help you regain your balance. Please feel free to comment on your work-life balance and how things have changed.

  I wake up in the mornings and remember how grateful IAM for everything in my life, for the breath I breathe, the warmth and joy I feel flowing through my Body Consciousness, and the great company and home I share with my husband Tom. IAM Grateful for the singing birds, creepy crawlers and giant plants blowing gently in the breeze and for our sunshine days and opportunity to sit peacefully on our balcony, overlooking our beautiful garden.   Occasionally here in our magical paradise at home, we feel the storms, the rain, fierce wind and coldness, the sadness, confusion and anger as mass consciousness feels the pain and suffering of our yesterdays, affecting us all. Affecting our natural balance for a while, and then we are grateful and embrace it all. Grateful for the compassion, the nourishment and the cleansing it brings about for everyone and allows Humanity to move closer to experiencing the grand dream.   This is truly a great time to exist and be part of Humanity’s Evolution of Consciousness! Being part of a most natural transformation. Feeling how the rays of light pour down and naturally change the Human energy dynamics, allowing for the integration and embodiment of the Divine… for the ones who choose to experience Heaven on Earth.     Many of you know how my passion and mission these last 20 years has been holding the vision, for all Humanity to choose to embody and live their truth as a Celebration right here on the Earth plane, and sharing, through my writing and painting my own experience and journey awakening and embodying my Divine truth.   I inspire others to love themselves most deeply, to feel and observe the truth of their own power and magnificence within, quite simply by relaxing with their conscious breath. Embracing the darkness and the light, creating harmony within and making it possible for their desired new reality of unity and harmony to come into their Environment.   I feel blessed to continue to observe as more and more hearts awaken to their own truth and being living examples of DivineHuman Master’s and Creator’s, who we all truly are… causing ripples of change to spread throughout all of Humanity!       You can know, everything you are seeing playing out throughout the world is because of YOU! Because YOU dared dream of living your truth in harmony with others… of experiencing true and pure love, joy and peace right here!   You can know, everything not aligned with love, is no longer supported by the Earth and Cosmos and is crumbling before your very eyes. Everything in the entire world; the governments and the systems built on greed, domination and manipulation by a few, is falling apart and collapsing.   I know you sense; within the confusion and chaos on the outside, yourself living in the last days, weeks, months of darkness. A time for everyone with eyes to see, the ones who want nothing more than to keep Humanity enslaved in duality and limitation and are playing out their last card to bring us down on our knees. To fulfil their long term agenda to smother consciousness and control Humanity once and for evermore.     This year of 2021 is the year of the great divide; love against evil and the final showdown that will determine the continuance of Humanity’s natural evolution of Consciousness or not. It is a time for you to choose for yourself and stay safely in the eye of the storm, not choosing either side out there, only for yourself and the embodiment of Divine love and new experience of unity.   The curtain continues to fall and disclosure takes place ever so slowly… in order for more people to wake up, to follow their common sense and discover the truth of the bigger picture, being played out under our noses since the beginning of time!   When one chooses to embody love, we feel the joy within and the beauty around us. We know true freedom and the experience of NewEarth. We know in each moment which step to make next and get through this time in all ease and grace. We celebrate life no matter what, holding the vision and observe this great shift and transformation of Consciousness taking place.     Yes it’s tough, and it will remain this way for a while… until more of us stand up and say no more! No more enslavement! Choosing to love and trust yourself and play out your natural state of being Sovereign, free and powerful in your own right.   Nothing can hurt you out there if you stand in your light! Your Divine love conquers all and will bring you into a beautiful new experience of living your grand dream of unity consciousness here on the Earth plane.   It is time for the many to turn within and guide yourself through this time in all ease and grace… oh quite naturally!   ©Barbara Franken… Creative Visionary & Master CreatorInspiring New Energy Consciousness & Multi-Dimensional Living         A True Magical Children’s Story about Love and Life, available as an ebook for €4.19 More inform & link to purchase here.     A paperback and eBook is available from all Major online stores… Amazon and Apple.  I share my own magical journey, exploring Who I AM with the help of nine Elemental Beings and expand from a world of fear, struggle and limitation into a New Energy Consciousness of love, grace and freedom. It is in this loving space that I discover my Divine and ALL LOVING self and allow myself to integrate together as one Body Consciousness… a DivineHumanBeing… and Magnificent Master Creator who expresses and creates heart and soul passion on the physical plane and beyond..    Join my MasterCreator Class and emerge yourself in the celebration of life through dance, song, art, relaxed inner journeys and beyond everything known… preparing yourself for your NEW role on New Earth.   There is no time like the present moment to Sign Up and give YOURSELF this magnificent gift… More Info: MasterCreator Class     All the money raised from my books and classes go to my non-profit association The Magnificent Consciousness that holds free local Creative Art projects in Benalmadena, Spain.